Beach Girl



It's all been said, hasn't it?

Then why am I compelled?

Grabbed pen and then, with a click

Wrote verse my heart's withheld

I think the moon was laughing

As she heard my lame refrains

She hid her face for a while

Clouds covering her disdain

She said my verse were lousy

That poems don't need to rhyme

My imagery was childlike

She thinks I should resign

It broke my heart to hear her

Reject my best attempts

Slammed down my pen and notebook

Upset by her comments

I Said:

Oh moon, you are quite lovely

The queen of Earth's dark nights

The stars all bow before you

An army dressed in white

But soon you'll lose your glory

A new light will have won

Next time I want opinions

I think I'll ask the Sun

Submitted: Monday, September 02, 2013
Edited: Sunday, January 18, 2015

Topic of this poem: poetry

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Comments about this poem (Opinions by Beach Girl )

  • Gold Star - 6,809 Points Bri Edwards (3/21/2015 8:12:00 PM)

    well, i looked at it again. it is STILL a truly beautiful AND clever poem. :) bri (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 231 Points Beach Girl (1/18/2015 7:33:00 PM)

    You are right of course Bri! I've corrected the error! Thanks so much. :) (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 6,809 Points Bri Edwards (1/16/2015 12:26:00 AM)

    verb \dis-ˈtānDefinition of DISTAIN
    transitive verb
    archaic: stain
    archaic: dishonor

    SCRABBLE® fan? Try our new word finder! »
    Examples of DISTAIN

    [weary soldiers with hands distained with blood]

    Origin of DISTAIN
    Middle English disteynen, from Anglo-French desteindre to take away the color of, from de- + teindre to dye, from Latin tingere to wet, dye — more at tinge
    First Known Use: 14th century
    - - - - - - -
    HOW ABOUT DISDAIN instead? i wasn't sure DISTAIN was wrong; i was actually checking its definition and Google suggested disdain.

    noun: disdain; plural noun: disdains

    the feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one's consideration or respect; contempt.
    her upper lip curled in disdain
    synonyms: contempt, scorn, scornfulness, contemptuousness, derision, disrespect;
    disparagement, condescension, superciliousness, hauteur, haughtiness, arrogance, snobbishness, indifference, distaste, dislike, disgust
    she looked at him with disdain
    antonyms: respect

    verb: disdain; 3rd person present: disdains; past tense: disdained; past participle: disdained; gerund or present participle: disdaining

    consider to be unworthy of one's consideration.
    gamblers disdain four-horse races
    synonyms: scorn, deride, pour scorn on, regard with contempt, sneer at, sniff at, curl one's lip at, look down one's nose at, look down on;
    informalturn up one's nose at, pooh-pooh
    she disdained vulgar exhibitionism
    refuse or reject (something) out of feelings of pride or superiority.
    she remained standing, pointedly disdaining his invitation to sit down
    synonyms: spurn, reject, refuse, rebuff, disregard, ignore, snub; More
    decline, turn down, brush aside
    we disdained his invitation
    - - - - - - - - -

    yeah, disdain. i'm sure of it. :) bri
    ok, now that i've read the whole poem and gotten by that one troublesome word............

    BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO ms. beach girl! a spectacular poem. it sounds so good, i at first thought that maybe i had written it. but i checked MY poem list and notebooks and did not find it. neither did i find it on the backs of any envelopes or paper napkins i've been saving until i have time to copy from them.

    really, a beauty, my PH beauty! love the story, the ryhyme (what does the damn moon know anyway? !) ,

    my first favorite stanza is this one:

    She said my verse were lousy

    That poems don’t need to rhyme

    My imagery was childlike

    She thinks I should resign

    followed by stanzas # 4 & 6. BUT I like them ALL!

    Let's all give that moon the moon! () .() to MyPoemList it goes. bri :) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 94 Points Stephen Loomes (9/20/2013 4:40:00 PM)

    I like your poems and there is nothing wrong with rhyming; the rhymes put music to the words and this goes back to period say in England before the Romans when bards roamed from town to town to pass on news. It took years of apprenticeship to be a bard and one had to learn the way to rhyme before you could make your own poems. These bards were traditionally called scops. When the Romans arrived in England (where they remained for over 400 years) they brought structured written verse, usually the lines were iambic pentameter. That is five soft, and five hard accents in each line, usually with a rhyming sound at each end. Thus the written poem arose, but the music is still needed and there are some who continue the bardic tradition like Eminem, even though he might not know it, or think he's a poet. So there you go; keep up the poems and the rhyming. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 3,342 Points Patricia Grantham (9/19/2013 8:37:00 AM)

    I enjoyed this very refreshing write on the moon and
    the sun. I do believe that the moon has some kind of influence
    on the mind, so has the sun. You can't look at any of them for
    a long period of time. Both are equally important to our existence
    on earth. You wrote this very well. Regards. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 701 Points Shahzia Batool (9/7/2013 8:27:00 PM)

    i wont agree if the moon forms that opinion, as now i have read your poetry myself...certainly, if given a chance to say something, the moon wont dare to challenge the platform of her praises! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 132 Points Marcus Mckinley (9/5/2013 10:46:00 AM)

    the moon has a partial prosaic view being rather plain in its own image. the sun on the other hand is mysterious in its grandeur and casting a comprehensive view upon the universe. nicely written (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 6,927 Points Khairul Ahsan (9/2/2013 9:55:00 PM)

    Quarrel between two beauties!
    However, your poems are pretty alright. Don't need to ask either the sun or the moon. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 29,013 Points Gajanan Mishra (9/2/2013 9:38:00 PM)

    ask the sun, The sun knows everything. good write.
    I invite you to read my poems and comment. (Report) Reply

Read all 9 comments »

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