Tiffany Rose Moczydlowski

Rookie - 1 Points (November 28,1996 / Springfield, MA)

Penance


Archangel, once so righteous and kind
Now has forsaken that type of mind
Quiet and order, the keeping of peace
Suddenly is replaced with a sense of unease
All hope in Heaven was suddenly snatched
As power-consumed thoughts suddenly flashed
And started to feed
On his once-holy aura and induced greed
Oppression began as this heavenly being
Started taking advantage and changed the meaning
And purpose of this supposèd reward
For living with vigor, for fixing the torn
It transformed to torture with no escape
Seeing as this was after the grave
The ones with mercy but no control
Finally could not handle the toll
Of this dastardly traitor's actions
And gave him a Fate worse than damnation
The angels overthrew the one possessed
By his new obsession:
Control over these defenseless creatures
They stripped him of his title, his current demeanor
Along with the once-proper place
As a blessèd being, leaving his soul disgraced.

Falling from faith, he went crashing down
Dreams piercing the air, this renouned
Villain felt all the pain of those
He had just tormented, the people he knows
The creamy, white feathers adorning his wings
Had begun to loosely attach, no longer clinging
To the back of this despisèd entity
An ebony hue infiltrated the ivory
Much like when blood flows into water
It taints the purity and devours
Every slight speck of innocence
That once cleansed this type of mess
The saturation of dye concluded
Its progress, revealed obsidian undeluded
A moment passed before the cycle
Of modification reached its pinnacle
Suddenly his deep charcoal plumes
Disintegrated, him plummeting to doom
Progressing with long hesitations
He hated this agonizing transformation
Cursing his sin, he screamed to the skies
His pillars of shame he could not deny
Never having guessed his judgement's fracture
Would create such a menacing structure
Finally he ceased his descent
From his angelic experience and was forced to repent.

Destiny's intents clashed with his desires
And then a new pain he involuntarily acquired
Loneliness conquered his existence,
Surrounded by a multitude of mortals, but distanced
From the necessity he required the most
His soul was shrouded, he was less than a ghost
For liaison, for contact, he grew desperate
For not even experts of occulate
Could even awknowledge his pleas for partners
Cloaked in shadows, he attempted to barter
Anything in order to relive his torture
But impossibility for any vital remedy was sure
Left longing for oblivion, he roams
This Earth, forever destined to be apart from home.

Submitted: Thursday, March 22, 2012
Edited: Saturday, June 23, 2012

Form:


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  • Rookie Kelly Seale (8/12/2012 4:51:00 PM)

    And that is his Penance! Yes, I truely get this one! Another great write Tiffany!
    Now, when I have the time, on another day... I shall pickup where I left off-
    I look forward to your word play! Great Job on this one! ! Great Ink! ! ! ; -)
    -Kelly. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Roland Houston (8/3/2012 11:21:00 AM)

    o.o very well done i love the different pov, its a well put together poem, long, but incredibly detailed and moving favoriting ;) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Thyris Taylor (6/28/2012 1:13:00 PM)

    Your poetry is epic. I would suggest improving on the language you use to tell your epic story. If the language isn't more beautiful, with clever phrasing, descriptions that really pop! (jump out at the reader) . You tell a great story but it may fall outside what is considered poetry. See if you can improve on your metering (the words of the poem has a rhythum) and work on coming up with more beautiful phrasing to tell your stories. You are a great story teller. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 60 Points Kebe Iwara (6/21/2012 12:49:00 PM)

    I just love the simplicity with which u portray grave subjects, and also for the fact that u're not monotonous. This reminds me of milton's paradise lost. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Jose Guevara (5/10/2012 5:34:00 PM)

    You lean towards the epic, but this one reminds me of Clipped winged wonders. It's shorter, and less impressive, but it captures a variance of the same spirit (Report) Reply

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