Psychotic Prankster’s Reaction Poem by Dale Mullock

When I’m an old timer,
I’ll walk into a diner,
order a bowl of custard,
with a large dollop of mustard!
Diving in head first,
to quench my thirst,
belching ‘til your eardrums burst!

Once I’ve qualified for
cheap fares on the bus,
and smell of musty dandruff,
mixed with underarm fungus,
I’ll get a pet dog,
and share her fleas,
whilst brandishing and
hurling allsorts of obscenities!

When I’m an old fogey,
won’t sit in the corner, growing mouldy,
I’ll take off my stereotypical flat cap,
put a bra on my head and wear it like a hat!
Under that I’ll don a bright pink wig,
finger on nose, acting like a prig,
making grunting noises, like a pig!

Once I’ve grown old
every supermodel’s bane,
I’ll take a long walk
wrapped just in cellophane,
boy I’ll bet the operators
would receive some 999 calls,
because everyone could
clearly see my balls!

When I’m past it and ancient,
my buggy will mount the pavement,
weaving all over the place trying to run over you,
acting like a caged monkey at the zoo,
just generally being really stupid and dumb,
as I’ll be blowing kissy faces at your mum,
after pulling down my pants and slapping my bum!

(Why The Hell Not When We All Evolved From Red Arsed Monkeys Anyway!)