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Red-Hot Sensations
Gone all the games that I play, only Dante’s darkness is left; gone all fantasy, only thing left is nothingness, gone all thoughts of friends and of life, everything meaningless, a Sartrean feeling of sinking in dustbins, l’enfer c’est l’autre; l’enfer c’est moi; I should listen to Leonard Cohen’s monotonous tunes, Clair de Lune; even Shostakovitz would do; l'étranger c’est moi, perpetually estranged from artless living in confidence; always poised on the brink of a bottomless void of estrangement, alienation from all that I love, I wish there a switch I could throw when things go awry; angry and deceived, trusting in good did not bring me victory; I must descend into the maelstrom - the threshold is crossed between being in control and sinking in the flood of harmful sensations and dark feelings of fear of everything; even you, always trustworthy and faithful, loyal and caring; I fear even you when my head contracts and pounds my brain into a pulp; I fear life itself, with its red-hot sensations and painful vibrations that stop my thoughts and saddens my heart….
Flee From The Pain…
The pressure in my head threatens compressing my brain - fear starts to take hold - I want to flee from the pain in my head pain in my ears – from every noise the sound of your voice - from constriction that feels like strangulation suffocation - I won’t mind the end of it all - just hate the process - besides it has never been successful at all the allergy only makes me feel miserable; but afterwards I always live to tell the tale – is this really what life should be about? – If it is, I’m against it, I shall always prefer joy to what is gained through this pain! All because of malted hot chocolate I did not know the reaction would be so devastating – I hate and fear noise, movement and food - when will I be sane again…
Margaret Alice
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