Santa Clause Poem by Bill Simmons

I was sitting on my sofa
On Christmas eve
My children were in bed
They were all fast asleep

I was watching TV
And having some treats
When I drank the eggnog
And it happened to me

My stomach started grumbling
And rumbling around
It began swelling up
Like putting on pounds

I thought, I’ll wash it down
With a sip of my cheer
But it tasted bad
What is happening here!

I tried it again
Tasted like something died
So out my window I screamed
Oh No, WHY!

I thought it was done
I swelled poly round
But it wasn't over
It was just getting down

All of a sudden
I started growing a beard
And this long white hair
Was down past my ears

My face swelled up
Like a big ripe plum
And I get these rosy cheeks
Still I wasn’t done

My clothes no longer fit
What could I do
The only thing I found about
Was an old Santa suit

I heard this clatter
On the top of my roof
I thought what is the matter
Must I handle this too

When I looked out on the roof
I could not believe
There were reindeer and sleigh
As if they waiting on me

Well, I said all right
Now this, I don't believe
But I was poof in that sleigh’
When right then I sneezed

I tell you it was then
That’s when I freaked
When that sleigh it took off
And across the sky it streaked

That was the first time
It just came to me
For the first time in my life
In Santa I believed

So I just went with it
And I laughed HO HO
I can do this
Oh yeah I think so

I got in the spirit
And I got in the mood
I handled that sleigh
And rode right past the moon

It was exhilarating
It was fun as could be
Then I realized something
Tonight, Santa was me!

The sleigh it landed
On our very first roof
It was all so quiet
Except the prancing of hoofs

I see the chimney
I get out of the sleigh
But when I get up to it
I’m thinking, no way!

I can’t do this
I can’t fit through there
Then a sneeze came to me
Right out of nowhere

And poof there I was
I was on the inside
So that’s how he does it
The sneeze is his ride

I went straight for the stockings
And then too the trees
I stuffed stocking with morsels
Trinkets and treats

I put presents too
Under every single tree
I loved this feeling
That overwhelmed me

Inside the bag
I found this long list
And each time I reached in
Yep, there it is

I petted dogs and cats
And hamsters and pets
They all had something
From Santa to get

I know now
Why Santa is fat
I ate cookies and milk
At each house I was at

I rode that sleigh
All over the world
I delivered presents just like Santa
To every boy and girl

It was just one bag
I had found in the sleigh
But each time I reach in
Something came out always

Finally,
I guess we were done
When I reached in the bag
The presents were none

We landed soon
On my very own roof
I waved good-bye
As flew away reindeer hoofs

Then I noticed
As I went through my door
I had lost being plump
I wasn’t fat anymore

My long hair and beard
It too were all gone
Had this been a wild dream?
This trip I was on

Oh no! I thought
I saw our tree
I was so busy being Santa
I had forgotten about me

What could I do
How could I make a mistake
There was not one present at all
Should my children awake

I put back on my pajamas
Still on was TV
But I could only sit
And just look at my tree

Suddenly I heard it
It came from my roof
And it sounded just like
Again reindeer hoofs!

I could hear footsteps
But it wasn’t me
Still I knew who it was
When I heard him sneeze

He popped through my chimney
And there stood he was
He had not forgotten
It was Santa Clause

Hi John! He said
I have these presents and more!
Don’t you know who I am?
I’m your neighbor next door

Last stop! he said
I’ve been at it all night
But let me tell you John
That eggnog has bite!

Merry Christmas I said
As I hugged the man
Is a Christmas we both will remember
I do understand

My wife still in bed
My children still asleep
Merry Christmas to you all
From one Santa, once me!

Copyright 2008

Bill Simmons
aka BillWilliamStar
author When Cannons Fire
&
The Kingdom

Merry Christmas!