'Searching' Poem by Linda Winchell

Calm and peace hit the airs current,
As it whipped through the soul of one searching in the night.

Yet not a smell of it's fragrance, did fill the nostrils, lost senses.
Time had but erased all past moments in time.

It's numbness now replacing all he once knew and felt.
For its' loss was too great to remember.
The pain of its' sharp blade too deeply placed.

Trying to remove its' hold, gripping tighter as he fought to remove.
It suffocated all that he dare to now breath in.

Gasping for a breath of freshness.
Forcing out the staleness of old.
Replacing manufactured newness of self worth.

Folding his arms in a protective embrase.
Now falling to his knees, crumbling into what life had
So cunningly molded him to be.

Masks worn to hold back unfolding waves of tears,
He one day wished he could rid.
Hidden words, of an invisible blackness of hurt.

A crying out of self worth, a wanting of; Just To Be!
Forcing out a smile to those who felt that appropriate, for their own needs.
Yet not allowing him to suffer,
To all who might take the time to know him.

Share in his suffering of that which was lost, and still in seach of.
Holding onto what he felt a nearness and depth of being.

A childhood memory, of someone who might have cared.
All but to betray his gaurded openness of love.

He will continue his path of self denial,
Till one day, seeing that it was all but a cruel game.
A game he will one day have to end, but win after all,

His search now ended.