Secret Meditation Poem by Agatha Eliza

My thoughts travelled two decades of destruction
and for three times I stopped at the crossroads;
when deep inside I felt the pain, the hesitation
and for a second, I wanted my life to end at once.

But I managed to become my own saviour everytime
and chased away the chaos ruling over my mind,
my heart was torn, but I left the past behind..
in order to carry on in search of a fresh start.

Yet, I wore coloured bracelets to hide my scars,
but couldn't conceal the ones from the inside
I was also forced to fake my happiness, my smile
but it didn't last long; maybe for a short while.

I embraced the deep poetry to express my sorrow
because I couldn't confess about it to anyone,
maybe..I was way too young to taste this sorrow
despite how strong pain was, the desire was higher.

The sadness of the years that passed isn't gone
and throughout time, I'm sure it won't vanish-
therefore I have to live and survive on my own
with a sad bleeding heart and eyes that tarnish.

From time to time, cold demons of memories come
just to make sure they'll never be forgotten
and the nightmares in which I explore and roam
empty bloody corridors, in an absolute darkness.

I exchanged nights for days, and cried for hours
but now I can't shed an icy tear no anymore;
until my hopes and broken veins fade forgotten
and my being welcomes the freedom of my soul.

Used to find a trace of solace thinking of death
oh! this unending, intense sweetest meditation;
seeing my own coffin, burning candles all around-
a temple resounding with the echoes of perdition!

I rather die, because there's nothing here for me
it's not hard to have your ashed lied down,
at the blazing roots of an unknown tree of life
invisible as sap essence of the eternal amaranth.

Even shooting stars leave something to remember
and sparlkes dance in the smooth golden dust-
as they began to die, I'll write a poetry in rust,
but the road is long, yet still in death I trust.

My beauty holds me captive like in a golden cage
although it's nothing but nature's great gift-
don't blame me, I just received, never asked for it
I was stigmatized, but you all secretly loved it.

Still, how many times hadn't I just been misjudged
and had my situation utterly put under question?
but who in the blue hell are you to yell and claim
that through my fancy charm I earned my everything?

Time.This notion strikes in my senses like a sword
and cleans tears that cling on my heart's walls
begging for me to hear their calls, cruely beheading
the pain and fiery secrets of my impredictible core.

Since then, I've been constantly try to understand
but nothing ever ends: neither life, nor death..
darling, we are the Time.yes, we are the Time itself;
we're just the rotten slaves of this somber serenade.