Self-Talk In That Secret.... Poem by RIC BASTASA

at the end
i am about to cry

something bothers me
somehow
i can't

i hold the knob of the
door
tightly
i want to go out from
this old house
and be with you
but i finally loosen
my hold
and go back to the room
of myself

the law speaks
tradition warns that something
may happen
and i cannot take
all the possible
harsh
consequences

and so i give up my life
and meaning
i stay in the comfort of ordinary
days
unhappily

but it is worth it
when i come back i find a house where i
can still live


it is you that makes me live some more
in the blur of our memories
when you are finally gone
with no address t refer to
(you never write me letters)
i stay put on my chair
and immerse myself in the deep silence
of my sad thoughts

it is the case again
of i want to go but i must stay
same rehashed argument

when i ask you if you are happy
your answer is yes and no,

but i understand it perfectly
it is the same answer that i write
in my journal
in those three perfect days

i forgive myself
but i can never forget you

love stays
but time shall always try to vanish it
without
our consent