Selfishly Hurting You Poem by KrIsTiNa CoTTo

I hurt you, I know I did, I am sorry, really I am but what if I liked the feeling of knowing that you would be mad. What if I told you that I liked the feeling of you finding out and crying your heart out, isn’t that what you did to me all those times you walked out and turned your back on me. What if I told you I did it on purpose. What if I told you that I was privately seeking for you to find out. What if I told you that I lied when I was telling you the truth and there is so much more to say. What if I told you that it wasn’t the first time or even the second. What if I told you that Im not really sorry. What if I told you that you made this this way. What if I told you that it wasn’t really your fault. What if I told you that I still love you, would you believe me. What if I told you that part of me still wants to do. What if I told you that my mind is getting the best of me. But then again what if I told you that I am trying to contain it. What if I told you seeing you cry made me regret it all. What if I told you that I am still in love with you and it would kill me to see us apart. What if I told you all the truth, would you forgive me? What if I told you I was so scared to do it all. What if I told you that Im thinking two different things but I only want one of them. What if I told you that all I want to do is kill myself over the hurt that I caused you. What if I wrote all this for nothing and you hate me. What if I wrote this and left it on our bed. What if I wrote this and it was too late for you to forgive me. What if I wrote this and you felt responsible for me killing myself. What if you read this what would actually happen. What if this ever got to you. What if it broke your heart into so many pieces that is unfixable. What if I said caused your life to go chaotic and down hill. What if I caused, caused me in the end to smile and turn your back on your cries and hurt. What if?