She Found Herself Poem by Lauren Joy

She found herself today
She found herself
And she didn't run away

Torturous years of guilt and pain
Paying for a lethal conscience
Seeking perfection and wasting away
Becominga shadow of her former self
Guilt, fear, anxiety, sadness
An obsession designed to kill

Oh how many years were wasted
Slaving the body away
Denying it everything
In pursuit of contentment
Obtaining only discontentment
Sinking to her death

Detachment, seclusion, longing
Intense desire for control
Control over herself, her world
In denial of being out of control
Nothing made sense to her
She could make sense of nothing

Years spent lost and bewildered
Searching for herself
She lost her identity
She endeavoured to please
She was nothing without her superior
She was lost if not in nirvana

Afraid to jump
The fall might never end
She knew she had to
She couldn't find the strength
After being inert for so long
She was fragile and weak

Until today her cravings blinded her
Crippled by her terror
Nothing was safe
Her conscience would not let her rest
There was always something
Something to keep her awake

But today as she journeyed
Beneath the burning sun
Where the pristine azure sky
Met the ocean, vast and captivating
The wild whispered beautiful secrets
Stories she could find no words for

Truth arrived like the most glorious sunrise
Her yearnings were swallowed by the sea
The past slid through her fingers like sand
Blinded by the sun's vindictive rays
She could see again
She saw herself

Suddenly she knew
A smile arose from inside
Strength surged through her veins
That anonymous voice went quiet
She knew who she was
She knew she was beautiful

She changed today
She let go
She wanted to live
The road was still windy
But she had found the secret
And life was now her canvas

She found herself today
She found herself
And she didn't run away