Silent Pain. Poem by Jacqueline Palacio

You're driving me crazy
You're making me insane
And I'm thinking lately
How to get you out of my head.

'Cause it's spinning wild
So full of you
I can't stop my mind
From running after you.

Are your eyes closed?
You're watching but you can't see
Help me understand, why am I losing me?

You got me here and you got me there
You're still and it doesn't seem fair
But you keep me near
'Cause I don't feel you dissappear.

From all of my wishes, one is you
And all of my stitches are made by you
I am going beyond from this
It's been a while and you're all I miss.

It's not the place I said
It's people surrounding
So I am going ahead
To find you standing.

It's not a step back wasted
If it's away from the pain
It just keeps desolated
It´s what you in me domain.

It might be my heart
It might be my soul
You could tear me apart
And then I won't control.

Just make me speak
Make me give this to you
There's left a week
And I haven't found a value.

I need to open my eyes now
I want everything to go out
My heart beats faster
And I'm needing you harder.

Only with a word out of your lips
And anything will be alright
Don't make me go and repeat
What I just need to write.

A whole letter this is
Messy handwriting at two sixteen
Late at night I ain't going nowhere
But it looks like you're not aware.

It keeps hurting
It stays suffering
But that's just me
And I can't stop it.

Dry tears my eyes are crying
Silent pained screams my mouth's shouting.

After you leaving, I'm still waiting
They say dignity is what you need
But I haven't lost it, I just ain't bailing
Mistakes are made by humans living.

I need more ways to get you
I feel like losing and I cannot end it
Your hand touching are like tattoos
They are just not fading.

From my skin, sweat and blood
To your beginning, escape and stop.

Ghosts are coming after you
But I'm not one of them
Everyone asks what's so fragile
I won't say more than a silent pain.

I need some of my pages
So I can go deep in the white
Your face's vanishing from the changes
I can't even recognize in this lights.

I want to keep blowing up dandelions
But I can't find more of them
Gone with the wind just like
The beauty of heavy waves.

I can't erase cause what I keep
Is permanent, but your fingerprints
Are not like a failed paper with some misprints.

The time is over I still come late
Cause when the dice is rolling I lose the game.

Are you thinking like me
That's why you're up looking at the roof
Do you ever wonder about timing?
Cause the crack is bigger, I ain't shatterproof
What are you waiting for?
Do we share the same love?
Is peace done between us?
I see way too much to believe your ways
I said once I ain't no fool to play.

Cry breaking and falling above us
Run before you lose it, but you're gone and we can't discuss.

Hours later I am not here too
The tide is carrying me away
Washing all the impures truths.

Filling lines into blue and blue
Tripping over the dark ink
Hard to find my clues
But you know I came in pink.

I am starting to hate your name
Cause when is near me it leaves me with no escape
And when it slips through my lips I feel the same.

So when you come over don't smile
I'm so attacked, you pull me in somehow
Even when I'm away for four hundred miles
I won't open the door, I'll turn off the lights.

Let's make some distance
Maybe one day we could listen
A line within our paths
And then the days will glisten.

Funny how I'm always one minute late and I can't catch you here cause you are already leaving.
You are now gone the same time I am.