Lee Gelis


Silently Watching


Loneliness doesn’t always mean being alone.
I couldn’t tell you the last time I wasn’t around anyone.
We’re so crowded these days.
They don’t know it, they think of being in a dark place,
In a hole, or a pit. They try to scream but no one hears them,
Because they are alone.
But that’s not what being alone is.

Being alone is being empty.
It is listening to them screaming from that pit
And not knowing if helping them would make a difference.
Loneliness is being surrounded by people,
If you could call them that,
And not having anyone you know well.
It is knowing how all the horrible feelings of the world feel;
Wishing them upon yourself;
Thinking: anything is better than nothing.
But that’s not right.

Being alone is knowing those people when they don’t know you.
You know their secrets, their motives;
You know they may feel the same as you at times.
But they are not alone. No.
They spend their time fucking each other and pouring decadence into their minds.
While you watch.
They think it is okay; to do these things: without you.
But that’s not right.

Being alone is watching your loved ones move on
Because they don’t know how much you love them.
They spend their time making love and seeing movies,
And fun. How disgusting. How can they have fun?
Fun should be outlawed. It should be banished.
I can’t stand seeing them have fun.
But lonely people don’t speak their minds,
We bury ourselves, try to distance ourselves,
And in turn we make ourselves more lonely.
But that’s not right.

Being alone is a lifestyle.
It is a state of mind, a condition.
But no cure. Not alone there’s not.
It is being in that pit and not screaming,
For fear of being found.
And I ask you:
What does that make me?

Submitted: Wednesday, May 01, 2013
Edited: Thursday, May 02, 2013

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