Sloth Poem by Justin Reamer

'Do you ever get off the couch, sir?
Do you ever get off the couch and stop watching TV?
Do you ever go for a run?
Do you ever simply walk around or exercise outside?
Do you just play video games all day, sir?
Do you even do any work?
Man, you are lazy! '

I would not be surprised if someone
Said this to you, my friend,
For I am the cause of it all.
I am one of the Deadly Sins,
As you humans call me,
For I am what makes people a lazy bum.

I am a daemon from the pits of hell,
As are all my other brothers,
But I must say,
That I am not a sin,
But rather a human instinct.
And it amuses me to see you sit around on the couch,
Getting fatter,
And fatter,
And much unhealthier,
With gaining LDL,
Which your doctors call 'bad cholesterol, '
And with you sleeping all the time,
You just make people angry because you will not
Get up and help.

You see, good sir,
I am the reason
You may have dropped out of high school,
Since you were too lazy
To do your homework
And would have rather hit the booze
Or have done drugs with your buddies instead.

I am the reason you may have been
Taken off the Varsity team,
Because you were either too lazy to exercise
And contribute to the sports team,
Or you may have been too lazy in school,
And decided to get all F's in school.

I am the reason you may not have graduated,
For you took school less seriously than others,
And you did not do your homework,
And you had to take your freshman courses
Over and over again
Just because you failed them;
Yet you could not complete your required classes
In your four years
And the No Child Left Behind Act
Took you out of school,
Without letting you get your diploma.

You blew off school like it was nonsense,
And I laugh at your stupidity,
For you struggle to get your GED to this day.

I am the reason you may have dropped out of college,
For you thought college was too much work,
And decided to blow off the work
And to party all the time,
Getting hangovers every morning,
And failing your classes the next day.
You gave up to studying,
And gave in to me,
Which makes you fail intensively.

I am the reason you did not earn your major,
For you partied too much,
And you felt studying was too much work,
And now I am amused to see that your life
Is a wreck
With you living in a trailer park
Lying on your couch,
Watching your antennae TV
With Dish Network as your supplier,
And you unable to hold a job.

I am the reason you may have lost your job,
For you slacked off too much,
And played games on your computer
Instead of filing reports
Or programming the computer system
That your boss asked you to do.
You would rather play Sudoku
Or check your email
Than do what your boss asks you to do.
You would sleep all the time,
And play Starcraft on your laptop,
And play a little bit of WOW
And Skyrim
Instead of contacting your associates
Internationally.
You made your boss angry,
And he finally had the last straw,
So he decided to fire you,
And now you have no job,
And your life is ruined,
For you cannot find any employment.
It amuses me to see you in this way,
As miserable as you are.

I am also the reason why your marriage crashed,
For whenever you came home,
You would rather lie on the couch
And sleep
Than help your wife with the household chores
Or making dinner
Or helping take care of the kids.
I made you irresponsible,
Making you unreliable with money,
Untrustworthy in your actions,
Lacking in truth-telling,
And making your work ethic horrible.
Your wife cannot stand you anymore,
For you never help with anything,
And cannot ever keep your end of the deal.
You pitiful little thing,
You live your life in misery,
And all I can say is that it amuses me.

I am one of the Seven Deadly Sins,
And if your life has been clean of us,
You better be careful,
For I or one of my brothers may very much
Taint your life,
And we take amusement in your torment.