Smelly Old Bess Poem by VICTORIA GEORGE

I opened an eBay address
In my dog’s name, smellyoldbess
She sold quite a lot - of tatty old grot
To buyers who want something for less.

Looking for fortune and fame
I’d taught her to type her own name
I’d thought that a dog, with a bit of a slog
Could learn a few things at this game.

It was going so well, so I thought
Until I came home early and caught
Bess on the phone - or should I say ‘bone’?
Doing what? It was anyone’s guess.

I checked my accounts - all cleaned out
I had been scammed out of all of my cash
I looked under the bed - and then I saw red
Bess had got a huge Bonio stash

To my alarm there were six legs of lamb
A pig and a big Edam cheese
A huge sack of biscuits, a ewe and a ram
Plus a ruddy big moose and it’s fleas.

All I can say - if your dog does eBay
And you allow it free reign on the phone
Don’t be too shocked if your accounts all get locked
And you lose everything that you own

The upside of this is smelly old Bess
Has been kicked off the screen at eBay
I think I'm to blame, I have to confess
Now she lies in her basket all day

copyright Victoria George