Smile Poem by Thabani Khumalo

I can't forget to smile;
To detour their focus onto a barrier.
I don't want them intruding into my heart
And interrupt the demons that live in rent free.

I spark a smile and crack it wide,
Keep it ever widening to a full grin.
I hold it enduringly to the end of the dialogue
Until they all vanish from my sight.

I am anxious of taking any turn
From where I fight phobias without end.
I see the horror in their eyes as they see me from afar
For I am a foreigner from a faraway land.

I live in camouflage like a mythical being
And I am frightened by any voice that picks an angry tone.
I have seen the menace of the men that whose hate
Prevail over my composure when we lock eyes.

When I was younger I wanted to feel strong,
So I macho-ed through each day to get paid,
I cut through the thick of the night and I killed many people
And my countenance showed by its level of unattractiveness.

I prowled the night like a lion stalking its prey
And I couldn't sleep a wink into the night.
The day was for me to work on a job
While many lurked to spill my blood.

As many as they wanted to shoot me down,
I concluded that the world had absolutely no care for me
So I loitered alone into the nights
And all I loved - I loved alone.

So old I've grown still hate the days
And I curse god and all the agnostic thinking.
I know that one day I'm going to have to go home that lies in ruins
And I'm going to have to build the whole thing from the ground.

If there is a god somewhere in the sky,
I want to discern only of one thing as I exist.
Will it be safe for me to go home
And to commence building it from foundation?