Daniel Brick

Bronze Star - 7,152 Points (June 10,1947 / St. Paul MN)

Snail Talk for Rosemary


My invitation was lavish.
I planned my words to glide
as smoothly as that single leg moves
across the path of discharged mucus.

I imagined a kind of conversation
of blue moonlight and lacy slime,
moments sliding between noise
and silence, blurring together.

The snail appeared... Oh, the weight
it must carry every where!
Still with no permanent address,
everywhere it rests is a homecoming.

Almost immediately things
broke down. The snail could not
keep up, didn't want to, saw
no sense in either noise

or silence... Littlest one, I must
scale down to your level. It is
a fault of being human to always
want to ascend higher and higher.

I see you now, poised in a path
of your own devising, half-enclosed
within your tightly coiled shell,
your four antennae whipping back

and forth. Can those tiny,
hidden eyes see me whole?
For what am I really? A friendly
giant who bustles and struts

in the open air, bereft of
home, careless of his footsteps?
Or am I just an immense
shadow, blocking you from every sunbeam?

Submitted: Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Edited: Saturday, September 20, 2014

Topic of this poem: natural

Form:


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Poet's Notes about The Poem

I have a dear friend who wrote a collection of poems she titled SNAIL WATCHING. In these poems Rosemary pays attention to snails and other creatures too small to be seen and too insignificant to matter. After reading her poems, I cannot take even a snail for granted. My poem acknowledges this.

Comments about this poem (Snail Talk for Rosemary by Daniel Brick )

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  • Freshman - 1,540 Points S.zaynub Kamoonpuri (8/7/2014 12:20:00 AM)

    Wow what a metaphorical thoughtprovoking poem! Kudos. I admire how u say we could be blockin the sunlight frm the lil snail. Yes we shudnt stamp and crush the lil tings. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 15,003 Points Valsa George (8/4/2014 1:35:00 AM)

    This poem contains some immaculate lines of exactitude and analogy! I love the way you planned your words to glide with the ease of a snail moving along its track of secreted mucus(and I must admit they do!)
    I also like the way the snail's littleness is contrasted wih man's assumed greatness and how against the natural tendency of man, the poet is willing to scale down to its level!
    The closing lines are just lovely where the poet wonders if these little creatures of Nature see man as a friendly giant or an immense shadow blocking from them every sunshine! Lovely write that reminds man to be kind and considerate to all lowly forms! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 477 Points Sana Hernandez (7/28/2014 1:51:00 PM)

    Finally! A snail poem! I love the way you presented this and made something as small (and adorable) as a snail become beautiful and poetic. While also giving it more of a deeper mind by wondering how it perceives you. This is now one of my favorite poems because it's so well written! (And I love snails.) I give an enthusiastic 'YAY! ' to your poem Mr.Brick. Excellent job!
    -SOH/Snail Lover (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 4,737 Points Bri Edwards (7/26/2014 8:16:00 PM)

    it must carry every where! ...did you mean 'every where' to be two words?

    i 'love': everywhere it rests is a homecoming. ...............oh! you see that in this line you DID connect everywhere.

    Or am I just an immense
    shadow, blocking you from every sunbeam? ......nice! i 'hate' when people assume they know WHY other animals do what they do. in the same way, it is nice to have you NOT assume you know what the snail does or does not sense.

    perhaps you or one of your readers would enjoy my

    Being A Snail....... [Snails; from the snail's 'mouth'; wisdom; a touch of humour/humor]

    Or, from another branch of the animal kingdom]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

    Salamander...... [Nature; A Salamander (Of Course!) : Confronting Nature; Almost Short]

    thanks for sharing the poem and the poet note. :) bri (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,089 Points Brian Johnston (7/26/2014 11:28:00 AM)

    A delightful poem Daniel! But who is Rosemary and can we see her poems too? Some things just have to be shared you know, like 'Dawn In Nebraska.' To not do so would certainly be a crime against humanity in the Hague. They have the power to execute poets too you know! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 272 Points Marie Shine (7/26/2014 4:39:00 AM)

    This excellently crafted write is a beautiful tribute to Rosemary's poetic work on the humble and much malinged snail, who feeds on the sumptuous tender leaves of plants. The essence of the snail is finely captured and sets fire to the reader's imagination as they scan each line, until eventually, they feel sorry for both the snail and the towering human being who is trying to interact with it. On some levels the snail and the human being are opposites. One carries his home with him wherever he goes, the other has no home, wandering aimlessly, etc. A very descriptive poem, with good visual detail in an inking which is excellently narrated. Thank you for sharing, Daniel. Blessings always... (Report) Reply

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