Soft Jaws - How To Beat Bmi Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

Down on their knees
they were, and tried
at varying degrees
and on the side
as well as upside down
and from behind,
it was no use, a frown
appeared to have a mind
all of its own, it was defeat
no sex tonight or ever,
the end result of way too much to eat.

But men are clever,
they think when necessary
not with their brain
but rather, very voluntary
with little Heini, which is not in vain.

Since Heini knew that he was rather short
and no amount of pheromones would aid
but, all the same no Heini will abort
an honest effort, once the bed is made.
It was a matter of about an inch
enormous blubber layers were in the way,
and in the end they recognised that in a pinch
imagination of the purest kind would surely pay.

As at the university there was a track
where they could try high speeds to test those gees,
at supersonic speeds your ears pin back.
They sat inside the test car with their knees
in locking mode, he facing with his Heini
toward the front and full of new-found hope.

Three g's were reached in seconds as the tiny
but eager little devil on a slope
was driven by inertia's righteous laws
right into the warm home with its soft jaws.