Solitude's Garden (The Shadow Cage) Poem by Elizabeth Peterson

Solitude's Garden (The Shadow Cage)

Rating: 4.7


Long Shadows stretch,
Thin and muted,
Reaching through the
Leafy archway.
The solitude is nearly complete here—
A tiny suburban haven
In a stone-rimmed,
Slotted-metal
Bubble.
The world beyond seems
But a dream, here—a
Nightmare of muffled
Cheers and rumbling trains,
Perfect houses and
Cars tinted yellow in the street-lamps.
Here, the crickets are the
Symphony,
Playing for the last of summer's
Dying blooms and the
Solitary
Girl
So quiet among them.
In this place,
What was lost was found:
Broken strands of
Poetry, snippets of
Prose and
Emotions vivid but
Scattered
So rudely by swarms of
Mosquitoes.
The air is heavy with
the scents of
Sulfur, chocolate, and damp earth,
Still in this fading
Summer night... It's
Too quiet with sounds of
Laughter, empty without the
Rattling of chains.
This cultivated retreat seems
Half a world away from the
Swingset
Just across the tracks, and
She shakes as her
Mind remembers,
But her heart is still safe:
Though the trees swath the
Garden in Night, the
Shadows cannot
Touch her here...
But time cannot stand
Still.
Her eyes trace the
Shape of faded leaves and
Flowers, preparing for the
Fall,
But hoping for Spring.
Her mind wanders in,
Escorted by the
Shadows clawing at the gate,
And she rises to meet them.
A pause under the
Entwined branches and
The pink sunset
Transforms the
Open green and
Clustered trees from an
Artist's paradise to a
Graveyard of Dreams.
Her Shadow greets her there,
Mischievous fingers
Snatching away her
Wings and tugging
Faerie-dust from her
Back pocket.
I begin my journey home,
But fear turned her
Bubble to a cage and
She does not follow.
The shadows twist her
Voice, cackles and screeches
Blurring the edges of
Words they'd keep from
Reaching my ears, but
Still I can
Hear her calling:

Love, you'll know where to
Find me.

(September 22,2008)

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Jerry Hughes 24 October 2008

Agree with Herbert with this qualification, it's a bit too long. Cheers, Jerry

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Scarlett Treat 23 October 2008

Beautifully done, as both F. & H. have stated, and both indicated for you to study further...even at my advanced age, I second that. I read constantly, testing and tasting both old and new...You have wonderful use of words!

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Herbert Nehrlich1 23 October 2008

I am impressed indeed. You, obviously being a person whose preferred mode of processing is auditory, have managed to load this poem with images, both acoustic and visual and you create a beautiful ambience. I would take Frank's advice onboard, however, at your age many tend to pay too much attention to critics so I say read, read read and don't take a hatchet to your wonderful style, maybe just a small scalpel here and there. If you do nothing the poem will easily stand out as very good. And please vote Obama. H

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Frank James Ryan Jr...fjr 22 October 2008

Not bad, work, Elizabeth...Your structure needs work...you have a keen mind's-eye for imagery, and that is important.Try incorporating what (I.M.O.) are far too many short-cropt lines, and re-structure them into a shorter lenghthed poem, but with longer lines(width-wise) , which will afford you a far more easy-to-read, and Reader-Friendly finished product. You have good potential....Read your contemporary poet's..Charles Bukowski, for one, may engage your intrigue, as well as assist you in formatting your work, more productively. Keep that pen pumpin', young lady...Wish i had started writing at your young age. ~ F j R ~ (((2008)))

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