Steps Backwards Poem by D. M. L. Catseye

Thanks to all for watching me
and for the compliments, dealt dutif'ly
I am simply stunned to know
so many really watched the show
But even though it went so well
we were loved by all around
The more you all will build me up
myself, I will tear down
No, I don't cry at night no more
nor do I dream of fears
Old habits, evil, are seeping through
as I remember previous years

Love may seem to be going well
Looking in from the outside
but I don't focus as is normal for me
and addiction is coming back to get the best of me
You see since I first fell I always will fall easily
But loss has changed the way things work inside of me
so I begin to resort back to those ways
to go back to what always felt good
and avoid strange new feelings he wants to give to me
I eat in ratios of loss and gain
I write more words, no two the same
I pull out hair, and enjoy the pain
I steal some wine, it calls my name
I need a fresh cut on my wrist
to remind me of the pain within
to tell me that, you know this is it
You either make it or you don't.
It's all my fault I'm on my own,
For I've grown so used to being alone.