Suffering Poem by Melissa Robinson

I chase my dreams but they fade to nightmares;
I'm loosing hope although loves' to die for.
I gasp for air as i drown in sorrow;
why must I wish for no tomorrow.?

Motivation is fading from my grasp,
I try and convince myself that these tears won't last.
For years of severe clinical depression;
a secret that i hide with a convincing laugh..

I've been taken advantage of; I've been used.
I've suffocated myself with a noose.
I've been held victim to self mutilation
bound by a mental-illness without any proof.

I have suffered addiction to narcotics;
I have stripped my body of eighteen pounds from meth.
I have been rushed to the emergency room three times for overdosing
and i have danced with the angel of death.

I have hidden scars and i have denied my misery;
I've sold my body for sex to try and make someone love me.
I have have disappointed my father and lead my mother to tears;
I have constant flashbacks of lying on grurdys due to suicide scares.

The first time i enhaled crack-cocaine
I was merely in the 7th grade.
I did all this to try and fade the pain;
to alter the contemplations inside of my brain.

I don't remember the last time I didn't cry myself to sleep;
why must i live when i feel so weak..?
I've failed at everything that I strive for-
I hate self for being me..

I've thought of endless ways to take my life;
I must diminish the way i feel inside..
I've been hell bound by apathy-
it can be read in my lachromony eyes.

I desperately seek the will to survive;
I pray in agony to empty skies.
I flail at my emotions and i try to deny
my endless will to end my life..

I've been told by the people that I love the most
That I Am Worthless, That I'm A Joke..
and what hurts the most is that i know its true;
I can't escape this mental illness no matter what i try and do.