Treasure Island

Bunny Boo Vana

(05~29~1999 / KSB Dixon, IL)

Suicide


Your presence is near Suicide, suicide I wish you were here Suicide, suicide Take me away Suicide, suicide Please make it today Suicide, suicide An answer, for me Suicide, suicide I need to escape, be free Suicide, suicide I’ve had too much Suicide, suicide Take me, do your touch Suicide, suicide Leave the rest behind Suicide, suicide You’re all over my mind Suicide, suicide Let me pass in peace Suicide, suicide I need to release The night I tried to kill myself Was like a scary dream A knife held to my neck No one heard me scream The cuts over my body As I tried to bleed to death It didn't seem to work As I took a deep breathe Theres not point living life If it's going to hurt with pain Death seems more peaceful Life is like a stain One little cut on my neck Thats all it was going to take I told myself I could do it For all goodness sake A knock on my door Reminded me someone must care I broke out in tears I felt so scared Death can seem peaceful It can seem truley right But for now I chose to live As I hang on really tight There is a girl Who sits alone She never talks As she’s on her own She sits in the corner She tries to fade away She doesn’t see colours She only sees grey She wears lots of clothes To cover her cuts she has No one wants to know her ‘The emo girl’ she’s known as She cries out for help But no one will see What’s really hurting her Why can’t she feel free She comes off as different Not like the rest Most of it’s others judgments Just by the way she is dressed She’s just like any other But down with some pain Don’t just ignore her Don’t make her insane It’s too late for sorry, a choice has been made You chose to argue, to cause more pain You fought all you wanted, and just wouldn’t listen Hurting more others, making things worse You take things too far, , you never know when to stop Everyone’s so sick of it, we hate it a lot Just don’t do it anymore, try to be open We're all good friends, Don’t force us to be broken I live a life of misery and hate I dream of being loved and safe Hurt. pain, guilt, shame With no one other than me to blame Covering it up acting like nothings wrong Trying to fit in trying to belong It has never worked it never will Too much emptiness too much to fill Deaths an option so is life Some days I don't know what feels right When i'm down no ones there Dosn't anyone worry dosn't anyone care I feel like my hearts gone it's been ripped out I'm alone in emptiness I can't even shout When will someone notice when will someone see Will it be too late to try and save me I try to laugh about it cover up with lies Too much to handle too much tears in my eyes Maybe I should smile and keep my act one Maybe I shouldn't I could be wrong I have to stop I can no longer pretend But I have to know one thing when will this misery end? Depression makes me feel pain Depression makes me stupid Depression makes me feel low Depression makes me mad Depression makes me sad Depression makes me forget world Depression makes me tensed Depression makes me lose self control Depression makes me hate everyone Depression makes me think over and over Depression makes me feel lonely Depression makes me think wild Depression makes me worthless Depression makes me sick What does Depression give me? When it runs high… It will make me Die - REST IN PEACE The pain fills my heart My life begins to part Throughout me lonely life My soul shall live in strife Death is near, I feel his stair, The stair to e’er, the stair to bare, I reach for the blade My thoughts beginning to fade It burns so deep My bloody sleep My life is ending, Not knowing what’s in store, My life… Dear life… It’s my life- Nevermore….. Anger fills my heart and soul Anger takes a mighty toll Anger lessens but can never leave Anger you hope to never receive, Anger stays forever within Anger acts with the might of all sin Anger is deadly to all around Anger gets mad at the thought of sound Anger is the thoughts in my head Anger that’s mine all should dread Anger for me is different from you Anger you see tells me what to do Anger will sit and whisper in my ear Anger he sits and tells me all that you fear, Anger… He is here He’s here to stay Anger is the hole In which we lay Anger is And Anger will Always be with us He is in me, and he is in you He can make you do What he wants you to Anger will make you Make you cry Anger can make you Want to die Anger can make you Go insane Anger…..... A blood filled rain No more anger No more….. Walk to the bright light Shinning through that door… Not knowing what’s in store But even then Anger lives on But you… nevermore When you think of death you say- Death please go, just go away But you see, my love so sweet Death has a job- and a quota to meet- So as he swings you yell out and say- Please oh please, is there any other way But my dear, he's come for you Painful thought- but ever so true And yet he takes you as you say- Please oh please not today And look through those sorrowful tears Your words have reached his cold boney ears Now with his attention on you, you say- I'm not ready to die oh please let me stay And with a grin, and devilish look Across your face his scythe he took So now your dead, no words to say- Cold on the ground now you do lay Down in the dark, it’s all in my head, The pain the sorrow, all of the dread, I want it to leave, but it wants to stay, I try and I try, but he won’t go away, There by day, there at night, Saying the things, that fills me with fright, I’m down in the dark, it fills my head, The pain the sorrow, all of the dread, He’s always around, lurking inside, Watching; waiting, my hands are tied, In my head, always near, In my thoughts, building the fear, Down in the dark, filling my head, The pain the sorrow, all of the dread, The pain; it grows, bursting within, The dark; he’s back, with his terror filled grin, “I’ll help”; he says, talking to me, “I know what to do, just come and see, ” Down in the dark, it filled my head, The pain the sorrow, all of the dread, My thoughts are violent, with sorrow in my chest, I just close my eyes, and hope for the best, He tells me good job, I’ll find the light, But my life is ending, with the chill of the night., Dead in the dark, lost in my head, No more pain or sorrow, not even dread…., If I die Don't be sad- Never be sad if I go- Always be glad Always be glad because you'll know I will forever be with you In your heart you'll know Life always ends- But I will remain true a true friend to the end- and beyond Always- forever, never to leave- I am dead but still here Never to leave Never to far Forever to stay near- Near You- In your heart Forever- and- Evermore Pain that resides Deep in your soul Overwhelms your heart Which it has stole And leaves behind no trace at all Just rips it out and watches you fall The dripping blood flows and drains Hoping to end all of these pains Dying within you feel all alone Knowing now you’re on your own Hate has burned a gaping hole; The rancid reek of charring flesh Is dancing on my very soul. And as the rising fumes enmesh My crumpled heart, I play the role Of crabby fart, gassing off A diatribe, bleeding out a Bitter part: an ugly twisted man. I hate you like the fire hates the rain I hate you like the whore hates the shame I hate you like the priest hates the sin I hate you like the snake hates its skin I hate you like the teen-mom hates her child I hate you like the smoker hates his milds I hate you like the father hates his failure I hate you like the inmate hates his jailor I hate you like the woman hates her period I hate you like the non-believer hates the sacred I hate you like the forest hates the fire I hate you like the rapist hates his desire I hate you like the ocean hates the storm I hate you like the child who hates to be born I hate you like the hungry hate their lives I hate you like the skin hates the knife I hate you like the devil hates the above I hate you like you hate love I hate that you left me I have that I fell for you I hate that your smile haunts I hate that you died I hate that I can't be angry I hate that I'm upset I hate that you wanted this I hate that I wasn't enough I hate that I couldn't make you happy I hate that your gone I hate that I don't hate you I hate that your laugh is gone I hate your gentle kisses I hate your friends for not crying I hate that I can't stop crying I hate that life goes on I hate that your not actually dead I hate your choices I hate the drugs that you love I hate I feel that your dead I hate you're no longer mine I hate the people you now call friends I hate the men you sleep with I hate your dad for what he's done I hate seeing you so unhappy I hate so many things but the one I hate the most I hate that I love you I hate I would die for you I hate I'll never get over you I hate this new you I hate myself for not hating you I hate to smile I hate to laugh I hate to giggle and grin I hate to skip I hate to dance I hate to twirl and spin I hate the sun I hate the stars I hate that sort of thing I hate the grass I hate the trees I hate the birds that sing I hate the sea I hate the sand I hate the seashells too I hate the world I hate it all I hate that all I don't hate is you Her pain let go Darkness descends upon her A wailing gunshot echoes through the empty room The cool metal of the trigger tempting her Fingers wrapped ever so delicately around black steel Warm tears streaking from suffering eyes With trembling knees Forgotten She's there alone In a dark, disconsolate room If I sit alone crying will anyone bother to find me Will anyone care enough to look Does anyone even know I'm gone Would you notice if I begged on my knees Can anyone return the happiness you took What if i stayed out here until dawn I've never felt a sadness to this degree When you left the ground shook And everything I loved and adored was withdrawn I'm not okay; this I can guarantee You stole my smile just like a crook I can't forget what I've foregone If I sit alone crying; will anyone bother to find me Will anyone care enough to look Does anyone even know I'm gone

Submitted: Thursday, May 01, 2014

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  • Colleen Courtney (5/1/2014 7:00:00 PM)

    Have to agree with John! A very very powerful write. I feel it's a good thing though that you're able to write out your feelings! Sometimes it helps. I love the name BunnyBoo! (Report) Reply

  • John Westlake (5/1/2014 2:57:00 PM)

    VERY st6rong and emotionally powerful. I don't believe that it is your time to go yet so please hold on. Am here if you want to talk. (Report) Reply

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