Suicide Poem by Bob Blackwell

This is all I can say
about the suicide,
the attempt
to end my wretched life.
Sad, lonely, desperate, tired,

Each week I trek,
two cities,
one holds all I cherish,
other
speaks a different tongue.

They ignore me
standing at the bar.
I do not understand,
they do not hear my tale,
I have another drink.

The glass that soothes
my troubled brow,
I drink some more.
I drink, I think and
wonder what to do.

I hate this place that
gives me bread but
has no love to give,
I long for end of week
to journey back.

So I drink and think
of other town,
of precious girl
I love, and I want to
give my name.

No money, to far apart,
still married,
children
gone to other land
that’s far away.

I have another drink,
I drink the night away.
Mind now muddled,
Feet unsteady,
I stagger to my bed.

Night after night,
the same routine.
Drink, sad, lonely
drink some more,
till Friday comes.

One weekend
happy but not happy,
decide to steal an
extra night, before I
do the trek I hate

Morning comes
I must return to
town that hurts,
that stabs me in
the heart.

Separation, desperation
rules my mind,
a sadness overcomes,
my heart low
my spirits gone.

I have no go,
no desire, no wish
to be, here or there.
I just do not
want to be.

On road I find a bar,
a few drinks
is what I need,
to make things clear,
to see me on my way.

I do not return
to town that hurts,
that sees me low,
just two drinks and
I return to empty flat.

Fifty small black pills,
ten white pills,
I gulp down,
I do not want to wake
to feel more pain.

Lie down upon the bed,
I’m quiet now,
my mind has stopped.
A peace has comes to
rescue me, from pain.

Asleep now,
rest has come at last.
Long time coming,
trek here, trek there
how I hated it.

I was scared, guilty,
lonely, so unhappy.
I’m alright now
my mind has stopped
the silence soothes.

Goodnight world.
Next morning I awake
a chastened man,
many questions
asked.

Alcohol spurned I grew
I began to change.
Married precious girl
who saved my life.
Happiness came.





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