Terminated Poem by Maureen Asino

(And so I chose
you say)
And so you chose
to kill off the life blossoming in your body
an untimely parasite
to erase that passionate mistake
to save your own young skin

I condemn you, deflated female
as I condemn myself
Although I have not made that lapse of judgment
as you did
giving in to fevered flesh
diving into twisted sheets
as girl is girlfriend
we walk the same long wire
we raise our hands to stroke the face of our loved one
to stroke hard lines and heated muscles
We are both young and full of blood
I have just not gone as far as you did
never been pierced so deep

I have no parasite in my body
I face no predicament, no disgrace besides my esoteric damnation
known only by me, my love
and all-knowing, all-loving eyes that guard life, give life
I cannot condemn a fellow inmate
in a separate cell for killers
because I was not presented with that scale
never asked to tip it toward the preservation of one over another
of myself over my child
my CHILD over MYSELF!

I say now
I declare with all the might in my heart
“If I were to get pregnant
I will exchange my future for my child.”
Take me instead, I won’t complain
because I would have forfeited my hopes and my dreams
the minute I willingly, willfully unlock my legs
Choice?
Pro-Choice?
You’ve already made your choice!
That choice turned into an inconvenience, a burdensome mistake
an unsuccessful dodge from the designed result of pleasure
hand-in-hand, biologically planned
“Balls and babies”
I play the game too
The referee called you out
placed a cherub in your arms who you laid to sleep and walked away from
tipping the scale toward your God-given hopes and dreams

“I want to finish school, I want to travel, I want a career, because how can I take care of a child when I am still very much a child myself? ”

Far be it from me to dictate your life
“Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” are gifts for all
I just shake my head at you and let my heart bleed for your cancelled baby
while I still tip-toe lusting after my own prize
whose brown-sugar skin and soft sloe-eyed gaze
melts me from the inside
When will I be out?

I am all too aware of my family
made aware by love and fear
I am one sprout of many offshoots
tender little blessings swaddled and coddled
laid gently onto target marks ready for reception
Uncles and Aunties of one flesh per couple
cousins and friends of the family espoused
They’re right on time
Babies are not inconvenient to them
Their arms are held out wide, their hearts swelling into room
for sacred and unconditional love love love
love fit for raising a child
wanted or unwanted

You say you’re glad your mother did not abort you?
Ha, your child can’t say the same thing
You closed its mouth before it became a mouth
before it could change from an it to a him, to a her
from a spark to a blazing amazing light
snuffed
to allow your own light to shine
That was a close one, wasn’t it? !
I know you’ve heard this all before but I just can’t let it go
Pardon my attacks
I still believe you can do the right things
Life seems long just out of the gate
then seems short toward the end
There is dirt to be dug into in between

Overcome
God be with you