Treasure Island

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis

(7 September 1876 - 22 June 1938 / Auburn, South Australia)

The Automatic Umpire


Now, Plugger Palook was a man in a thousand
(Said Horace the Howler) not one of yer fools.
But his barrackers vowed that he wasn't allowed
Full scope for his talents account o' the rools.
For Plugger Palook was a footballer. Get me?
An' one of the old-school. A wonder! A wow!
He was no lily-handed gazook to be branded
No sort of weaklin'. Not Plugger; no how.

Not much of a kicker - not so you would notice
His handball an' passin' left much to desire;
A dub at high-markin', his business was narkin'
An' knocking out umpires wot rose up his ire.
He'd done in a dozen first half of the season,
But the depth of officials you never can tell.
Now, a shortage they're fearin'; so, Plugger, not hearin',
They goes an puts in a serlenium cell!

The dawgs! Plugger starts in the very first quarter
An' gets a bit rough'ouse in makin' things hot
When the cells says, 'Now, Plugger! You ain't playin' rugger
Let up on them larrups.' An' Plugger says, WOT!!'
'Twas the first time in years than an umpire had cheeked him;
So Plugger lets out a sockdollager crack.
There's a flash an' a sizzle; then he does a mizzle
And lands out-o'-bounds on the broad of his back.

Well I'll say he was game, tho' a good bit bewildered,
For he comes back again when he finds he is whole.
Then he tries for to tackle, but soars with a crackle,
Up, clean thro' the posts; an' the crowd it roars, 'Goal!'...
An' the heads calls that football! (said Horace the Howler)
Deep pity for him in me proud heart it wells.
A champion world-beater! A reel umpire eater!
Done in an' disgraced by serlenium cells!

Submitted: Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Do you like this poem?
0 person liked.
0 person did not like.

Read this poem in other languages

This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.

I would like to translate this poem »

word flags

What do you think this poem is about?

Comments about this poem (The Automatic Umpire by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis )

Enter the verification code :

There is no comment submitted by members..

Top Poems

  1. Phenomenal Woman
    Maya Angelou
  2. The Road Not Taken
    Robert Frost
  3. If You Forget Me
    Pablo Neruda
  4. Still I Rise
    Maya Angelou
  5. Dreams
    Langston Hughes
  6. Annabel Lee
    Edgar Allan Poe
  7. If
    Rudyard Kipling
  8. Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
    Robert Frost
  9. I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings
    Maya Angelou
  10. Invictus
    William Ernest Henley

PoemHunter.com Updates

New Poems

  1. Pappou Elias' Poem, Elia Michael
  2. Dispirited Humanity, Aftab Alam
  3. A nonentity's. Life, Nalini Chaturvedi
  4. Girl, We Both Suffer, Ronell Warren Alman
  5. But you are abandoning me, gajanan mishra
  6. I am going to meet an end, gajanan mishra
  7. Maple Tree, Kyle Schlicher
  8. In the clouds, DEEPAK KUMAR PATTANAYAK
  9. Missing You Now, Nida Sofi
  10. EVERY POEM HAS ITS PHILOSOPHER AND ITS P.., MOHAMMAD SKATI

Poem of the Day

poet Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
...... Read complete »

 

Modern Poem

poet Ernest G Moll

 

Member Poem

[Hata Bildir]