Walter Lane

(Halifax NS)

The Christmas Poem


T'was the night before Xmas,
I was having a fit, as
I hadn't got,
my wife'sPresent yet.

I knew if I didn't
She wouldn't mind
But come next year
she might do to me in kind

The store door's would shut
In an hour or two
I knew without thinking
What I must now do

So out the door I flew
Looking terrified, I knew
I had to make it and quick
Or no presents for me from St Nick

The neighbours, I didn't give a glance
As down the street, I did prance
ignoring my friend, from next door
As I headed to the dollar store

I must have looked like
Old St. Nick himself
As my gut bounced around
like jelly on the fridge shelf

Finally I saw it come into sight
The dollar store! make it I might
If not, it would be
One hell of a night

Just as I reached
the entrance door
The clerk hung a sign,
saying Not open, no more

I thought to myself
This can't be
A present I need
For my darling wifee

The clerk shook her head
As I stood there in dread
Talking to myself Shall I break-in
take off the shelf?

No, to do that I'd end up in jail
And wifee wouldn't post me any bail
Leaving me there over Xmas to rot
Because of her present, I had forgot

I thought and I thought
I knew what to do
Off to Walmarts, I flew
Late they'd be open, so us they could screw

Xmas to them, meant
Cash in the till,
I needed a present
So I had the will

To go to that
God awful store
And buy a gift for
the one I adore

I went through the aisles
And what did I see
But the perfect gift
For the one who loves me

I knew that this
Xmas was saved
As the clerk wrapped it
And to me the box gave

I headed for home
My heart ever so light
The house was in darkness
Not even the porch light

I entered and shouted
Dear wifee, I have
A gift for ya darling
Ah, yes you had doubted

But every Xmas
I prove you wrong
I always make it
I sang as a song

But no sound
Came from the house
It was quiet, so quiet
You'd hear a mouse

I yelled, dear wifee
Here I am back
With your present me darling
Carried on my back

I bought it at Walmart
Just got it for you
You'll love it, I'm sure
And it's brand new

Yes, me darling
You'll love it for sure
For it will do a hell of a job
Cleaning the floor

No more sweeping
or dusting for you
Your new electrolux
Will all these things do

And so sweet darling
I bid you good night
And hope that tomorrow
Out of you has gone the fight.

Merry Christmas I said
As I went to my room
Tomorrow I hope you enjoy
your new electric broom.

Submitted: Friday, March 31, 2006

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Comments about this poem (The Christmas Poem by Walter Lane )

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  • Danny Reynolds (3/31/2006 10:02:00 AM)

    Someone who understands women, and the true spirit of Xmas. You, Sir, are a rare commodity.
    Danny (Report) Reply

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