The Driving Instructor Poem by John Knight

I am a Driving Instructor
Instructing young rivers to drive
The things i have seen
And the places I've been
It's a wonder that I'm still alive!

I am a Driving Instructor
I am known as 'Gareth the Car'
I charge ten pounds a lesson
I stand for no messin'
My students all think I'm a Star!

I am a Driving Instructor
My motor's a big four-by-four
My car is so tough
That when others get rough
Their car ends up squashed on the floor!

I am a Driving Instructor
My very worst students are men
They all think they know
What makes a car go
And then drive like a half witted Hen!

I am a Driving Instructor
The ladies are what I like best
They all like to tease
While the gear stick they squeeze
It's their drivng that makes me impressed!

I am a Driving Instructor
I work every day of the week
When poeple are free
That's when they need me
And my perfect instruction they seek!

I am a Driving Instructor
My hair has dropped out or turned grey
All my students are mad
Especially my Dad
Who drove up the main road the wrong way!

I am a Driving Instructor
And someday I hope to retire
Leave the keys in the car
And stand at the bar
With my back to the World and the Fire

I am a Driving Instructor
When I die I will say to the Lord
I've taught Muslims and Sikhs
And Christians and Greeks
Let me in I deserve my reward!

This poem is dedicated to all Driving Instructors everywhere and especially those in Italy where all Drivers, once they have passed their test, totally ignore La Coda Della Via for the rest fo their driving lives!

(John Knight - Colchester - October 2009)