The Famous Eccles Poem by gershon hepner

In the sun, the famous Eccles
is never suntanned or gets freckles,
since he’s mainly in his shell,
where nary ultraviolet spell
can blemish him, although his head
sometimes sticks out, and would be red
if he weren’t careful to retract,
with thoughts unconcrete and abstract,
and reflect on what Qoheleth
in the Book Book all men telleth:
“Beneath the sun there’s nothing new.”
What Ecclesiastes knew
The famous Eccles also knows,
and even when he eats a rose
appreciates it for its smell,
appreciating wordly fragrance
like all reptilian vagrants.
Far smarter than a cat or pup,
I never tell him to shut up,
as I do hurried human hares
at which he in the sunlight stares.


This poem was in part inspired by “As Predictable as the Fall, ” whose last line, “by poets even when they do not choose to rush, ” Linda thought a little forced. Our tortoise, once known as Crazy and then renamed Ecclesiastes, has finally found his true cognomen, which Linda discovered less than a week ago. He is no longer Ecclesiastes but Eccles.

The Famous Eccles was a part played by Spike Milligan in the Goon Show. The Famous Eccles wsa complete and utter idiot, an amiable, well-meaning man with no wits or understanding. When people told him to shut up, he frequently joined in and often wenr on telling himself to shut up long after everyone else has given up. Eccles often found himself helping Ned Seagoon alongside Bluebottle.

8/5/09