The Fear Of Failure. Poem by Derrick Andrews

I lay, nonchalantly and acceptingly, upon a plain of fire.
Pain is all I know, all I feel.
I watch my wounds appear and heal instantaneously as if I were some distorted, human lava lamp.
Suddenly, through the veil of heat, a blurry silhouette shimmers in the distance.
I was curious to see who else could possibly survive in my world, so I ventured towards it.
Reaching, calling out to the shadow, but it merely stood there, staring.
After running for decades, I reached that which I sought.
A gargantuan monster, cold as an Antarctic breeze, glimmered in my gaze.
Frozen solid.

'How can this even be possible in this world of fire? ' I proclaimed.
I touched the surface of its frozen shell with my hands, which, at this point, had been exposed to the heat of my world for so long, they burned an icy blaze that emitted both a sense of chilling agonizing pain and a pleasantly unbearable heat.
Upon contact, its skin defrosted, and it came to life.
I braced for battle, suspecting that this beast was here to destroy me.

Instead, it merely sat down, and introduced itself.
'Hello, Derrick. I am your fear. Why do you neglect me so? Why do you act as if I do not exist? '
I stuttered, 'W-w-well... I was always raised to believe that only the weak possess fear, and that by ignoring you, I gained strength.'
The beast shook its head in disappointment.
'No, you silly fool. You know nothing of power. A man that is truly strong fears HIMSELF. If you are not afraid of your own power, then why would anyone else cower at your blade? Accept me, or accept defeat.'

To that, I had no reply. I stood there, mouth agape, staring up at the monster for what seemed like years.
Then, it hit me. I finally realized what it was that I was supposed to do.
'Very well then.' I replied with a smirk, 'Fight me, then... If you can induce fear upon my spiritual state, then I can learn to accept you, and use you as my weapon.'

The expression that overwhelmed the beast's face after I spouted the phrase 'use you' was more terrifying than anything I could ever describe to you.

It spared me no warning, and took me up in its massive hand instantly.
It was right then, that I truly felt it. I felt the pure, unrestrained fear that I had bottled up for years overwhelm my mind. I realized that I was an ant. I could do nothing but beg and plead for my pathetic existence.

But even an ant can be pushed to do mighty things when it needs to. Breaking free from his grasp, I landed on my knee with a bone shattering thud and glared up at him.

'You think pain scares me? ! ' I roared. 'PAIN IS ALL I KNOW. If the only thing you can do is wound me, you've already lost, beast.'
I stood up, feeling my leg repair itself, bit by bit, and forged a sword from the heat of my own hatred.
'I shall show you true pain.' I muttered maniacally. 'I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO DIE ON YOUR FEET.'
It was then that I eviscerated the monster, spilling its intestines amongst the flame riddled floor.

That's when it happened. It LAUGHED at me. A horrible, ear muffling laughter that forced me to cover my ears and dropp my sword.
'YOU IDIOT. You can not kill me. You can never kill me. In fact, killing me, is what fuels me.' shouted the beast, laughing like a villain all the while.

I'd figured him out at that very instant. The reason why he could never be beaten by me. He is my fear, my only true fear: failure. It was then that I realized how to accept him.

I put my blade at my side, bowed my head, and muttered hopelessly, 'If you are my fear of failure, then the only way to beat you, is to surrender. To willingly fail. If that is the way it must be, then I surrender to you, beast. You have beaten me.'

It was utterly shocked. It fell to one mighty knee and dissolved into a flame that could burn flames. He had transformed into a blade, a blade only I could wield. It was then that I accepted failure as my weapon. I used it to achieve great things. By learning from my failures. Strength and determination are great assets to possess, but as long as you possess the fear of failure, you will always lose. That is what I learned that day, and that is how I became the man I am today.