The Fearless Big Game Hunter Poem by C Richard Miles

The Fearless Big Game Hunter



I’ll never be scared by a grizzly bear
With its puny, soft claws and its brown, fuzzy hair
And if ever one dared to declare, “Just beware.”
I’d not run away but just give a hard stare.

I’d never be riled by a Nile crocodile
With its ghastly green skin and its vile, crooked smile
If one tries to stalk me, I won’t run a mile
But I’d sit on the bank and just tease it a while.

And if I saw spying on me, a large lion,
Keeping away isn’t what I’d be trying:
It’d take several weeks to be drying my tears
Of laughter I’d be crying while pulling its ears.

I won’t make a fuss if, as big as a bus,
A bull elephant came and charged right at us
Although one may be quite as big as a house
When I’ve finished, it’ll be quiet as a mouse.

A tiger won’t harm me if I wander by
For I’d take a large stick to poke in its eye.
And wipe the floor with it, without any gripes
If it tried hard to swipe me with its tangerine stripes.

And though I’ve been warned that a rhino’s sharp horn
Might do something gruesome, in the African Dawn
If ever one caught me, I’d treat it with scorn
And wish it to vanish like a lost unicorn.

I know what I’d do with a rude, young gnu
I’d tell it to hunt for its food in the zoo.
And giggle and grin at its silly, short name
And tell it to give up, since I’ve won the game.

But I cannot abide, and steer wide, (Do not laugh)
Of the oversized spider that hides in my bath
And if ever I find one, I’ll scarper and hide
Until someone much braver comes and takes it outside.

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