The Feeling Poem by Serwaah Debrah

Frustrated I write this, to whom I am not sure,
Maybe to the one reading this, or to myself
Life is throwing me into a state of total confusion
I will not call it despair, for it is not without solution
Yet solve it I cannot, not yet anyway
I was told I enjoy drama, yet when I ask myself if I do
I think I answer no, why will I torment myself
Unfortunately the solution is available
To walk away or ignore, yet that seems like a coward’s path
Maybe being a coward is the strongest thing I can be
I do not pray any more, I try to rule my life
My life, like an open ticket with no real destination or plan
I used to pick right and wrong easily
Maybe those days, my younger days only presented fewer opportunities to make choices
I do not want to think of myself as the grand manipulator
I know nothing. How can one control a situation or a heart?
I am still learning about myself, so much depth to explore
Sometimes I surprise myself, other times I am shocked by my pure stupidity and weakness
I fear too much, expect too much, dream too much, pursue too much and trust too much
What do you want? Someone asks. I am afraid to answer; you will laugh at me if you knew
I would laugh at myself if I said it out loud
I know what I need,
if you, yes you reading this, are not inclined in the way of the spirit, you will never comprehend it
But I can say with some certainty, believe it or not, it is up to you
When I am in the lord my life makes sense.