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Beach Girl

The Golden Elixir

The she creature rose

From depths of the darkness

And smoothly swam

To the brambled banks

There in the moonlight

The gold bottle beckoned

And glistening with water

She stepped from the lake

Her tawny hand grasped

The round amber bottle

And bowing her head

Inhaled the mixture

Citrus and spices

Danced in the darkness

And tears from the trees

Escaped the elixir

The amber spoke

Of tales from the past

And balsam of twigs

Poured out her heart

The nymph from the lake

Danced in the darkness

This golden elixir

Would 'nere from her part


Submitted: Thursday, August 07, 2014

Topic of this poem: nature

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

Actually this is just another poem about a fragrance I own.

Comments about this poem (The Golden Elixir by Beach Girl )

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  • Veteran Poet - 3,842 Points Bri Edwards (12/17/2014 11:28:00 PM)

    nere [with no apostrophe]

    from the GNU version of the Collaborative International Dictionary of English

    Were not.

    from The Century Dictionary and Cyclopedia

    A Middle English form of near.
    An obsolete contracted form of never.
    n. A Middle English form of neer.
    n. A Middle English contraction of ne were, were not.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Her tawny hand grasped

    The round amber bottle

    And bowing her head [............without a comma between bowing and her, OR changing some words, it almost sounds like the tawny hand was doing the inhaling.]

    Inhaled the mixture
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    do you find all of your fragrances on brambled banks (a nice alliteration) ?
    - - - - - - - -
    banks/lake; mixture/elixir; heart/part............... your rhyming got better as you went along. :)
    - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    i think i would rearrange the last stanza a bit, and i would always use punctuation, but i DO like the poem.
    thanks for sharing. bri :)

    add enough chocolate and i might go for it! (Report) Reply

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