The Great American Hamburger War Poem by Bryan Corbett

So I'm stoned in California
and it's White Castle that I crave
but I can't get them burgers here
no matter how I rant and rave

And you're stoned out there in New York
only In-N-Out does the trick
but you're not getting that treat there
sans an expensive airplane trip

America is great, no doubt
we've accomplished so many things
blessed the world with Rock n' Roll, and
Henry Ford built the Model T

dug the canal in Panama
and invented the cellphone, too
Orville and Wilbur learned to fly
and we put a man on the moon

but this ground chuck mess still eludes
for reasons no one can explain
no burger shall cross east to west
it is really beyond insane

so let us write our congressmen
we will demand they draft a bill
send it up to the president
and have him sign it with his quill

and when it has become the law
of this great land of yours and mine
we will dance and sing in the streets
that God is Great and oh so kind

then we'll roll out all our forces
army, navy, air, and marines
in a campaign of shock and awe
with burgers, buns, onions, and cheese

and all the stoners in the land
will be happy from sea to sea
just as the wise Founding Fathers
had always meant for it to be


(a loving nod to the late, great Shel Silverstein)