The Keyhole Poem by Claudia Krizay

The Keyhole



Silence reigns interrupted by my screaming-
I only weep for a moment. Standing alone by a window and a double bed,
I can see my reflection in the polished tiled floor, -through the keyhole of this locked door
I can see my whole world caving in on this dark winter's night-
The hallway is illuminated by fluorescent lights,
A few sleepy-eyed people slowly walk up and down the gray carpeted hallway,
I can almost read their minds through the fogginess of their pupils-
My arms are still aching from the tense grasp of the attendant's hands-
As devil's advocates, trying to calm me, while they
Shoved me through the doorway of this sterile isolated room-
I can hear the turning of the key locking the door above my own desperate shouting,
Though only for a fleeting moment-
Now that one keyhole is my only connection to the outside world-
The sky is as dark as my fear- out of the window all I can see
Is the moon, the stars and that bleak darkness could be hell-nearly fifty years have passed
Since my sanity was robbed, swept away by a tornado of terror and bewilderment-
My reflection is fading into that polished tiled floor as I peer through that keyhole,
I recall the sounds of the sirens, sleet spattering upon the roof above and
The slamming of the doors to this prison behind me-
All I could see through the barriers of my tears was bleak darkness.
Voices intimidating me that only I could hear, threatening to take my life away,
Robbing me of my flagging grasp upon reality-
People with their hostile glances and wicked laughter have driven me to utmost terror as
I became a criminal animal howling in despair - now I am locked inside
This hellhole, dimly lit- that reflection in this polished tile floor is moving
In every direction as I pound my fists against the stark white painted walls.
Praying for some refuge I peer through the keyhole trying to get a glimpse of familiarity.
My mind has become a rocket ship that has been
Launched above and away from the world outside-
Listening to the deathly silence, that keyhole has become a tunnel, too narrow and small
Through which I cannot escape- the window is a portrait of bleakness illuminated by
The dim light of the moon- I close my eyes and lose myself into
A world of my imaginings- I lock a phantasmal door with my own special key into
The keyhole of my fantasies, through which I can see the light of my dream scape-
My eyes are now closed to that menacing reflection on the polished tiled floor below-
The moon's shadow rocks me to sleep as
I lose myself once more into the world of my delusions that had brought me here today-
Though sleet is falling and noisily tapping upon the rooftop above, silence reigns in the
World of my thoughts, while light shines brilliantly through the keyhole of my dreams…

POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
This poem is about my experience being in seclusion in a psychiatric hospital.
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