The Page Is Blank Poem by Vanessa Kingsley

The page is blank.
My mind is blank.
The curser is blinking again and again.
Waiting to line letters and words and feelings in line
But my feelings are not in line
They are scattered and dishonest and odd.
Once in a while it remains still and disappears.
But like most everything it comes back.
It comes back with more feeling then ever.
The clock in my head and voices grow louder.
With every pulse of that small black line my blood gets thicker.
It grows colder. It stops.
My heart speeds up my mind stops working.
My eyes are darting everywhere.
Any comprehension I had is gone.

There is nothing in the wake of this chaos.
My world is crumbling around me.
It’s stops spinning. Moving. Caring.
It falls and rebuilds falsely around me and there is nothing I can do.
There is nothing I can do.
They say it will be okay.
But what if it isn’t?
Did they lie to me?
Or was it simply a promise that could not possibly be kept.
Are any of my feelings for you; for them, for us? Real?
Were they a lie as well?
Were they a promise I could keep. Or couldn’t.
Was it my fault?
Or was it yours?

A second chance is something we all ask for.
But do we really deserve it.
Need it.
What I need is sleep.
What I need is security.
What I need is an empty love that has me coming back for something that isn’t there
What I need seems to be what you can’t stand or do not want.
What I need is no longer important.