Jesse Ellsbury

(March 23,1982 / Washington D.C.)

The Televangelist


“God is mah shepherd, I shall not want, ”
but He wants you to give me all you’ve got.
I shall share with you a parable, mah flock:
there was a humble shepherd
who wished only to tend his sheep.
Their fleece was white by birth
but tarnished by nature –
their sins in need of shearing.
Thus did them sheep offer themselves up,
many donating not just wool, but skin, too.
And the more they gave, the more they got,
even the skin of the skinless grew back.
What you give you shall receive tenfold
in this life and that to come.

For I have had visions,
I have suffered and persevered,
and now Jesus is on mah speed-dial…
and this salvation is transferrable
(like yer donations) ! Do I see five dollars?
I see five dollars, I see five, do I see ten?
Ten dollars, going once, oh, I see twenty.
People, twenty dollars may get you a night
with the whore of Babylon,
but a night with mah savior costs more’n that.

Remember God’s gifts, He gave you family, health.
He tossed in eternal salvation free of charge –
but nowhere on that list is wealth.
And what is wealth compared to spiritual bounty?
Any price would be a bargain for God’s favor,
so yer rent money, or yer food budget,
is better spent on salvation than anything else
so mail it so you don’t burn in the fires of Hell!
Remember Matthew 6: 26, “Look at the birds…
they don’t reap or sow, yet the Father feeds them.”

One cannot serve both God and mammon,
so let me dispose of the temptation,
for money can lead you into sin,
just look at mah biography.
But I just exist to share the gospel
and a personal relationship that I have
with countless hordes who watch me.
The millions that I make
are coincidental and go back into
the body of Christ in the form of:
private jets for me alone,
exclusive million dollar homes,
and limousines everywhere I go –
my church is non-prophet, after all.

And the Word has touched me
and filled me with grace,
with a need to heal yer illness,
and relieve pressure from yer wallet.
The Word will make you walk again,
the Word will make you talk again,
the Word will make you do anything I tell you to.

“For the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.”
We just never told you what the Word was:
Greed.

Submitted: Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Edited: Friday, July 26, 2013

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A televangelist's honest testimony.

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