The Turd Poem by kendall thomas

There's a turd on my front lawn.
How can that be?
I don't have a dog.
They're not allowed.

How can I get it up?
I don't have a scooper.
And I certainly don't intend to use my hand.

What will people think?
'He has a turd on his front lawn, ' they'll say.
A big gray-green turd,
right there where everyone can see.
It's very humiliating,
but what can I do?
I'm not responsible.

Perhaps there's a turd-removal agency in the yellow pages.
But I don't think so.
How does one get rid of a turd on one's front lawn?
No one else has a turd on their front lawn, that I can see,
Will I have to mow around it?
Everyone will be watching me.

I can't mow through it.
It might go into someone else's lawn.
Then they will be mad at me.
'He tried to fling his turd into our front lawn, ' they'll
say.
But if I don't do something soon my neighbors will call the
police.
And they'll arrest me for having a turd on my front lawn.
A big gray-green turd.
They'll say I put it there deliberately.
The newspapers will come and take pictures.
Then everyone will point me out and say,
'There's the man with the turd on his front lawn.'

I don't dare put it in the trash though.
If the trashmen found out they would boycott me.
But I have to do something,
or people will be lining up to look at my turd.
How could this be happening?
I have always tried so hard.
But now there's a turd on my front lawn.
And it will be the end of me.