There And Back Poem by Leria Hawkins

There and Back
Date: February 26,2013

Where is the justice
In a mind gone mad…

I'm satisfied on my pity pot, staring into a cold black sea of anger
Happy…crying onto the wires, drowning in a cup of tea
Seems, I've waited and waited and waited for answers to come
But truth is, I just don't care to know…or hear

I'd rather ponder…consider when it all fell apart
Dwell...on exactly when life picked up and left me behind
When exactly did I become this rotting corpse, a torn envelope?
So frail the paper walls of my sanity
So thin my rational
Honestly, I don't know, or care…
I just woke up one day to find myself sleeping
Trapped forever in an instant replay
Everything there is fluid and life is distorted and sad
So I sit and try my best to fade away
My eyes closed to the words dancing before me
My mind twisting the meaning…
My consciousness pretends to want the truth
But my heart has no stomach for it

I prefer lost, empty…alone
Like a tadpole swimming upstream headlong into a void of blackness
I long for the caves of cool dark oblivion
Yes…I welcome it…
So here I sit, locked in a closet, lights out
Pouting like a spoiled child
And I wallow in the slow slide of my resistance
Desperately trying to stamp out the desire to stand up
I think only of how easy it would be to slip away
To give up, give in…just slowly slip away

But there's something here, like a pirate in the night
Some rude intrusion in my desert
It's damned annoying, you know…that whisper, the damned incessant hum
And I don't know why…but it nudges, nudges, relentlessly nudges
I want it out…out of my mind, so cruel it is to invade on my misery
I want to scream at it, chase it far from my coffin
Pen it down and stomp the life out of it
But in spite of my hatred, my loathing
It keeps nudging, nudging, nudging…relentlessly nudging me
Pushing with utter disregard for my torment
Bossing me, screaming…pushing me….
Back into the light…

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Copyright © 2013 Leria Hawkins, All Rights Reserved