There Was This One Time, At Mad Camp Poem by Simon Gowen

Stupid is, as stupid does', as Forrest Gump once said,
Well here's a dose of stupidness that's stored within my head
It tells you of a woman, that you've all begun to know
So grab a drink, pull up a seat, and lets begin the show.

The main act for the evening is a relative of mine
I've seen this woman's life get risky, slowly over time.
We once all went to Mapplethorpe, my Uncle, Aunt and me
They never slept a wink that night, and woke me up at three! !

Before we hit the highway, Auntie Jean attacked the van
She cleaned and scrubbed and freshened it as only women can.
I packed my tent, and three days clothes, my toothpaste and my brush
Now we must leave to make good time, wow Jean is in a rush!

We pull up on the camping site, my tent was soon erect
But things would soon get rowdy as my ears can now detect!
'Someone's left a crucial part at home' my uncle said
The piece of board that turns the seats, into a double bed.

Yes Jean had made her first mistake this cost them both their slumber
But later she would better this, do we have the AA's number?
My uncle seemed impressed on how we hadn't used much fuel,
But fate can be a nasty thing, and this time she was cruel!

Soon after things began to shake, and we had reached a juncture
Yes, never mind the fuel consumption, now we've got a puncture!
So attempting to redeem herself, my auntie lends a hand
She sets the jack and starts to pump, but then we hear a bang!

She quickly moves the jack across and lifts the van again,
But looking back in hindsight, this job was for the men
The wheel's changed, we all clean up, then get back on our way
But for her second big mistake, we all would have to pay!

'The fuel is lasting well my dear', my uncle pointed out
No sooner had he spoke those words, the fuel had now run out.
Yes someone made a big mistake, my uncle's anger vented,
He checked the fuel, looked underneath, the petrol tank was dented!

When Auntie Jean had leant a hand, it's her we now should thank
Cos some bright spark had set the jack up, neath the petrol tank!
My uncle took a walk to call the man to come with fuel
And to this day I'll never know just how he kept his cool!