Gareth Glyn Roberts
They Age Faster Up North
If you live in the North you age faster
You get more lines round your mouth
If you live in Leeds or Lancaster
Than some cushy number down South.
Up North they use Botox and mud packs
You're more likely to use a sunbed
If you live in Hoole or Halifax
Then somewhere like sunny East Grinstead.
Northerners put loads of weight on
You'll be fatter and more obese
If you live in Cleethorpes or Clayton
Than in Portsmouth or possibly Greece.
Living up North you get wrinkly
That's why they pile on more slap
In Hartlepool and Hinckley
Than south of Watford Gap.
50's the new 40 down south
And 60's the in thing to be
But for those in Liverpool or Louth
30's the new 103.
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