Thought By Now Poem by ESPN CHICK

Stuck here all alone
Lying on my bed
With the earphones in my ears
Trying to drown out the pain
It seems like music is the only thing that calms my soul

Wondering how I've dealt with this silence for so long
It hurts me to know I'm alone
I'm swimming in lies that I've told myself
Gotta keep myself believing that I'm fine

I'm always gonna say I'm fine, when I'm really not
All I want to do is cry myself a river
Feels like nothings goes right, everything goes wrong
What must I do to restore this pain, this brokenness inside of me
I'm lost and confused, crumbling and breaking into pieces

It's a never ending circle
I keep traveling it over and over again
No where to go, no one to hang on to
I'm just another loser in the crowd

I'm such a lone wolf and I guess I will always be
I will always be nothing to this world
It's such a hateful place anyhow
Don't know how much longer I can hang on
Feels like I'm about to let go of this rope

This rope I've clung onto for so long
I've had this pain on my back weighing me down
Now I'm falling, barely breathing
Can't except the fact that there's no air around me

Hitting the wall, looking at the scar on my arm
While its fading the pain inside of me isn't
It's still there after all these years
I thought by now I'd be restored
Thought I wouldn't have this pain that I have

Thought by now all that's inside of me would let go
Thought I would be stronger but instead I'm weaker
Thought by now I could stand on my own two feet
I just thought by now I would be where I wanted to be



August 28,2009