To Be A Butterfly? Or A Tsunami? Poem by George Van Den Driessche

It has been almost four years,
To this date
When I first started here
Entering Aquinas,
I thought of myself as wise
I thought of myself a poetic genius
I thought of myself as knowing
Knowing what I wanted
Knowing where to go
Knowing the course of my ship
Knowing that neither love or God
Would alter my path

As time flew past
There was a lesson I had to learn
In school it could not be taught
And in life I refused to learn
I was already SO FULL
And so smart
How could humility grow?
I had not the capacity
To let it take root

Once, I thought pre-med
But bio left me with dread
To math and chem I turned
And so left pre-med behind
But to what course
Was I now set?
What career should I choose?
The answers I knew not
And the lessons were not found
In school
For, school lessons
Would not shatter
My foundation
But, the lessons that are found in life.

And here I am,
Eight weeks from graduation
Two majors and
Twice arrested
A walking contradiction
Of intelligence and stupidity
No longer am I full,
But constantly empty,
Consumed by an insatiable hunger
And unquenchable thirst
Always seeking, always learning
Forever humbled
Cringing at my past
With remorse and regard
Marveling at the forge
That molded unyielding steel

Now as I look back
I am left questioning
What role was I playing?
The butterfly,
whose wings beat softly
as the lover’s kiss?
the butterfly,
whose wings beat innocently,
that cause the Tsunami?
Accidently wrenching apart the hearts and souls
Of my family and friends
Or am I the Tsunami?
Blindly destroying all in my path?
With no regard for friend or stranger?

Perhaps it is better to be
A Tsunami
Destructive as it may be
Malevolent though it may be
A Tsunami,
Is aware of the chaos it weaves
Though it may learn to regret
Better then the butterfly
Whose evil is accidental
Whose evil is unknown
Better then the butterfly
Who can never repent
And never ask forgiveness

And so I pray Lord
Let me go forth
As a Tsunami
Let me go forth seeking
Love and heartache
Sorrow and joy
Healing and pain
Let me go forth
Fully aware of life’s troubles
Fully aware of life’s hopes
Let me go forth
Aware of my action
And the related counter-action

So it was four years ago
That I was the innocent butterfly
Unknowing of its own sin
And now I emerge from the forge
Filled with sin
And stripped of innocence
A Tsunami fully aware.