To Gorbachev Seen From A Liberty Train And Other Parodies After Frances Cornford To A Fat Woman Seen From A Train Poem by Jonathan ROBIN

'What is the cause of the stain on your head,
spreading so much and so much?
Is it war in Afganistan’s red blood bled?
Is it the Baltic, its trammels all shed,
Or Perestroika, so often misre[a]d,
Yet risking so much and so much?
What is the cause of the stain on your head,
Pulsing so much and so much? '

'I needed the Afgans like hole-in-the-head, '
Said Gorbachev hiding his scutch.
'Armenia’s earthquake uncovered hotbed
Of dissatisfaction, corruption widespread,
Endemic incompetence, rife and inbred,
Wasting so much and so much!
The reason is plain why the stain is widespread,
Pulsingly hot to the touch! '

'Why open the frontiers, for should you not dread
Risking so much and so much?
With the signals still red, while the West speeds ahead,
Why walk on a tightrope with such a small spread
When the way will get rougher wherever you tread,
And the iron glove’s lost its touch?
O why have you opened some frontiers? I’ve read
You’re risking so much and so much! '

'I've opened some frontiers, ' Gorbachev said,
Risking so much and so much,
'For Russians are starving, and beg to be fed,
The queues are enormous for eggs, butter, bread,
The vodka’s restricted, the State’s in the red,
Or seemingly so to the touch!
So the curtain is opening, Sir, ' he said,
Risking so much and so much.

'But why not rebuild your defences instead
Of risking so much and so much?
Though Marx is near bankrupt and Brezhnev is dead,
And the Kabul regime is divided and bled,
While its leaders like lambs to the slaughter soon led
Will be cooped up like rabbits in hutch!
So why don’t you bolster defenses instead
Of risking a push, plot, or putsch? '

'I can’t build defences up, ' Gorbachev said,
Musing aloud and too much.
'The worm turns the bud from the inside, though red
Our rose may appear, credibility’s fled,
Until START is finished the Yanks won’t be led,
What would YOU suggest for a crutch?
While Pravda the truthless ignored is, misread,
Where may I find straws I can clutch? '

'So where will it lead to? When all’s done and said,
You’re risking too much and too much!
In China a Lama is Nobel, ‘tis said,
In Hungary, ‘Socialists’ won’t be gainsaid,
The Baltic republics hang but by a thread,
And Glasnost appears double-dutch!
The POUP is pooped out, Solidarnosc’s ahead,
So why risk so much and so much? '

'Enough, say no more, for the lesson’s well read,
I’m risking too much, far too much!
But if all the Armenians slept in a bed,
If Budapest bowed and the Poles were well bred,
If pigs could but fly and if Time hadn’t sped,
I’d not risk so much and so much!
But the Kremlin’s collapsing, kind Sir! ' he said,
Risking so much and so much!

21 October 1989

To a Fat Woman seen in the Bois after Frances Cornford To a Fat Woman Seen From a Train
Why do you bounce through the bois in boots
Missing so much and so much?
O fat white woman, the tender shoots
And the grass is carressing right up from the roots,
So why do you flounce through the bois in boots
While sweet without shoes is life’s touch?
O why do you pounce through the Bois in boots,
Missing so much and so much?

8 October 1989

To a Fat Woman seen from a Train
Why do you walk through the fields in gloves,
Missing so much and so much?
O fat white woman, whom nobody loves
Why do you walk through the fields in gloves,
When the grass is soft as the breast of doves
And shivering-sweet to the touch –
Why do you walk through the fields in gloves,
Missing so much and so much?

Frances Darwin Cornford 1886_1960

To a Fat Woman seen at the Sales after Frances Cornford To a Fat Woman Seen From a Train
Why do you sail through the streets in slacks
Buying so much and so much?
O fat white woman who nobody backs,
Why do you whale through the Sales in slacks
When your breasts swing so soft, hang as pendulous sacks,
Though shivering sweet to the touch?
O why do you scale the street sales in your slacks,
Buying so much and so much?

8 October 1989

To an Ostrich Seen from Above after Frances Cornford To a Fat Woman Seen From a Train
Why do you bury your head underground,
Risking so much and so much?
O black and white ostrich with feathers all found,
Why do you bury your head in the ground
While the grass is so soft and the hunter’s around
And the trigger is light on the touch?
O why do you bury your head underground,
Risking so much and so much?

8 October 1989

An Answer to Frances Cornford

Why do you rush through the fields in trains,
Guessing so much and so much.
Why do you flash through the flowery meads,
Fat-head poet that nobody reads;
And why do you know such a frightful lot
About people in gloves and such?
Gilbert K Chesterton

O Why Do You Walk

Why do you walk through the fields in boots
Missing so much and so much?
O fat white woman whom nobody shoots,
Why do you walk through the fields in boots,
When the grass is soft as the breast of coots
And shivering-sweet to the touch?
Alfred Edward Housman