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Geovanni Leaño

Rookie (August 31,1991 / Zamboanga City)

To My Ex-Girlfriend


Arthel,
Tonight, I'm thinking of you,
Soft music fills the air,
And as tears fills my eyes,
All I wanted now is to hear your voice at least once,
I just can’t find the right thing to do,
Nor the right words to say,
To show you how I really feel,
Maybe through this poem I’ll write for you,
You'll realize how I really feel,
Hope you'll save all your judgments until after you read this poem,
This is not meant to hurt you,
I just want to express things I failed to express,
Hopefully, you'll give me one more chance to this...

At times you feel that you can say everything,
-but not everything you say is logical,
At times you show everyone that fake smile
-but I can feel it and my heart,
At times everything you just do seems not you,
-'coz I know deeply who's the real you,
At times everything I do isn't just for you,
-it isn't also for me too,
There are times that you simply stab me,
-but let it be,
At times you cry because of me,
-but it's just because you let your pride devour over me,
At times you're trying to tell me 'you want me back'
-but sadly, I don't want to hurt you again,
You told me you love me,
-But was it true? You did not even believe me!
You know that I love you,
-I don’t know if you won't believe this,
How I wish I never even knew you,
- But life will be too dull without you,
You know that I trusted you a lot,
-but how come jealousy won your heart?
You know that I always give time for you and your friends,
-but how come you think that I don’t care a damn about you,
Maybe you're right; we're too young to be in a relationship,
-yet I’m still thankful of the chance you gave me
-the chance to show you how I feel
--although you think these are just empty words,
I’ll still write this poem for you,
'Coz I know, pride won’t win your heart the next time.
I'll say goodbye to our past,
It's really time to move on you know,
It may be too easy to say this
But deep inside, my heart is killin' me,
I just can't lie that I still like you,
But how come you don’t trust me?
That's the worst thing you gave me,
To your ex-boyfriend I mean,
Now repeat it over and over again,
I’ll endure it for you 'coz I know that's the way you want it to,
But the mistake I’ve once made will NEVER repeat again,
'Coz I can’t bare hurting you the same way...

Now here I am,
Looking stupid in front of the laptop,
Isn’t this enough for you?
Maybe not!
But I don’t care,
'Coz what I really care right now isn't the way we'll both going to end up,
Nor if there's someone between us who'll just shut up,
'Coz I know you're just not that kind of a girl,
You put things together as if you already know everything,
As if you know MY everything...
You just don’t know how much sacrifice I have to make just to put an end to things,
If only you'll realize that all these sacrifices aren't just simple things,
They mean a lot to me, and I did it for you,
I never bothered giving my blue notebook to you,
'Coz I don’t want you to feel blue,
Although every time I look at it, I cant stop picturing out our sweet memories,
The day I first saw you,
The day I realized that I’m falling for you,
The day I realized that I finally loved you,
The day when there's me and you,
And until the day when everything should shatter...
I never bothered sending you some messages in a while,
'Coz I wanted you to be happy,
Although not having you will surely hurt me,
But as long as I know that you're fine without me,
It's fine with me,
I never bothered writing for you,
Although now I seem to be writing this for you,
‘Coz my mind has been so crazy thinking things about you,
Maybe I’ve reached my limit,
And it's too difficult to hold everything back,
Much more if everything seems to get you back,
Getting you back the wrong way,
The worst possible way...

An hour have passed and I've got the whole night writhing this one,
Maybe for me to prove myself if I’m really sincere on this one,
We'll see...
I lie awake looking blankly on the ceiling - yawning,
But still I’ll keep on fighting,
Maybe everything will be worth fighting for,
For as long as it is what you really wish for,
I remember the time when I use to ask you to pinch my cheeks,
Just so that I won’t forget you,
And since the day we broke up, I've always missed something simple yet great,
I just missed the way everything was back then,
Maybe to move on we should always look back and try to accept everything,
Although it'll hurt, but everything won't just fade and become empty memories,
Forgive me if I'm giving you out our little memory pictures,
Maybe this blue notebook I'm holding right now will always be me,
Not my past,
Not my present,
And neither my future,
But it'll always be me,
I remember the time when we once sat by the soccer field while it's raining,
Everything was so calm,
As the rain touches our faces,
My soul seems to be cleansed like no other,
I remember the time when I use to seek for just a glimpse of you every assembly,
But now I realize that all my chances have runned out,
I'll rarely get to see you everyday,
But it doesn't matter,
Maybe God made things like this for us to grow in our own separate ways,
And I already accepted that even before I started to have this feeling for you,
I can already hear the chickens waking up the neighborhood,
But I think it's too early to wake up at around 3 in the morning right?
Speaking about it,
Maybe this is a clear example on our situation,
Although we think that we are ready to face something,
It doesn't mean that it is always the right time,
But even so, no one stops the chickens to wake up the neighborhood right?
Just like us, no one stops neither of us to fall in love,
Then fall completely out of love...

This has been one of my life's greatest challenge,
To tell you im sorry,
To spare one whole night thinking about you - don't worry,
And to spend some time questioning if I really got over you - I'm sorry,
But the way things are right now,
Even a child would tell that we're over,
Now the song 'All or Nothing' by O-town keeps playing in my head over and over,
What's this? Some kind of joke! ? Maybe- maybe not,
I used to hug my pillow just thinking of you,
And now i'm doing the same, because of this song and the memories of me and you,
Our friends will not be with us everytime we have problems,
Although they're just there to support us,
But there comes a time that God offers us the steepest and the tightest hole to go through,
It is for us to realize many things,
To grow and be a better man,
For us to find our true selves,
Now maybe you think that i'm going crazy about things,
But let it be,
Everyone has his or her own judgements on things,
And it reminds me of you,
You are someone who is careless about judgments,
But who cares! it may be one of your rough sides but also, it shapes you into you,
And that's the beauty that only few possess...

I never thought this will be hard,
I’m fighting over two different desires,
My body who desires to rest,
And heart who desires to complete this test,
It's pretty hard you know,
You sometimes give me reasons to smile and to feel sadness,
But I think it's normal, I mean we're two different persons,
With two separate ways to go from here,
And those two lanes hopefully will find the most perfect timing to meet again,
Maybe not now,
But hopefully the perfect day will come,
I'll wait for that,
I just finished reading some of your messages,
And I think your right! It's not a stupid joke,
I'm sorry for that, maybe I’m the stupid joke,
I never felt sorry for anyone like this before,
I don’t know if this is the time to be thankful or so,
But if it is, yes I am!
You gave me chance to recognize this unknown part of me,
All I thought that everything will be a mess,
And forever it will remain a mess,
But as I write these lines, I felt something inside me- whispering,
That now, I do not expect for something else to come,
If everything will not fall back to their right places,
Then maybe I deserve this...

It's already quarter to four,
And I still have many things to tell you,
I just don’t know where to start,
Hope I won't lose track,
I in some way, am enjoying to write these lines,
Maybe because I just missed the way we both talk to each other,
The way your voice goes in my ears and directly soothing my heart,
Why do I have to tell you this?
Maybe the reason has not yet discovered,
We sometimes do things because we have reasons,
But a fool who's knowledge is far more than any wise men,
Will do anything even if along with it, he'll find he reason,
A brave thing to do,
But for now, I’m not that brave,
Maybe because I feel that I have nothing to lose,
Because I feel that I have lost everything to start with,
Now I’m here to at least mend what I’ve torn apart,
You told me that the more I explain, the more I make you cry,
I can't help it, no one will ever walk in this world without any tears,
It is in tears that we'll find ourselves alone,
It is in tears that we'll understand some things,
It is in tears that we run to God,
And it is in tears that we'll give ourselves silence,
And through silence, we are able to talk to God,

It's already 4 in the morning,
I know it's too early to greet you good morning,
And I hope you'll wake up with a smile this morning,
I just missed the way we both exchange messages at this time,
And now I have this sighing heart,
This time, I caught myself smiling,
-and at the same time sighing,
This time, I hope you're sleeping well,
-for tomorrow I wish everything will be alright,
This time, I think I’ve already done something far beyond what I’ve expected,
-but still I’ll continue this until sunrise,
This time, I think of you,
-wondering what's going on inside your dreams,
This time, I think of you,
-hopefully you won't sneeze,
This time, I'm really sorry,
-and you don’t need to forgive me,
This time, I'm really thankful,
-and you are one of the reasons,

Damn! I wasn't able to make it,
Maybe my will power isn't just enough to tell you i'm sorry,
But this is the best I can do,
My body just won over my desire,
Both fatigueness and hunger devoured me,
I woke up right after sunrise,
But it's odd why I am feeling this way,
I'm not sad - nor happy,
And now the sun is already shining brightly,
I hope that on this day onward, you could shine brightly,
This is my temporary goodbye,
Until we meet again,
It's better like this,
I need to completely move on so I can go on,
You may be hurt because of me,
But my same mistake won’t repeat again.

-GanNi

Submitted: Monday, May 05, 2008

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