To My Mum, Just To Let You Know I Am Ok Poem by Roy Merchant

To My Mum, Just To Let You Know I Am Ok

Rating: 4.0


Hi Mama
Well… I finally made it
Back into the void
I wish it could have been different
To save you from being so ANNOYED

I am so sorry
I had to leave you behind
So sad,
I had to travel alone
But, just like the journey to be born
I had to die on my own

Mama, stop staring out the window
Stop looking at the photos in the hall.
I told you those shows in London
Would be my final curtain call

Take care of the children for me
I hope my fame did them no harm
Tell them I will always protect them
All I wanted to do was to keep them warm

Tell Papa I will always love him
Despite what others think they have seen
Without his drive, vision and belief
Gary, Indiana is all there would have been

Papa, you drilled into us how to be perfect
How to work and never say die.
Why we simply had to be the best.
You taught us how to fly.

Mama…I never knew people loved me.
Now, I am watching all these people cry.
If the cynics and the press had showed this before.
Perhaps, I would have had no need to die.

I never knew why people came to see me.
Why they bought so many of my songs.
I was just doing, what father had taught me.
And within that, I saw no wrongs.

Sometimes the sweat would not leave me.
“The pain of perfection”, was a motto of mine,
And when I unleashed that polished performance.
The feeling was truly sublime.

Performance, Performance, Performance
The rhythm of the song in the dance
The rhythm of the dance in the song
The energy of fifty thousand people
Creating a life of its own
I blink…the crowd roars…I am energised
I twitch…and feel the energy surge
I stand perfectly still…doing nothing
And the energy purrs, like a cat…waiting to strike.
I sing…I dance in perfect harmony
And my mind…and the audience’s mind
Becomes one
And I am in a state of karma like ecstasy
Ah…Performance, Performance, Performance

Mama, I am so sorry about the Wacko Jacko stuff
I know the PR got a little out of hand
Although I told you any news, sells records
I am still not sure you quite understand

After “Thriller”, “Dangerous” and “Bad”
I had no where else to go
All the records had been broken
And I got too big, to hear the “Whoa, steady boy…whoa”

Then, there was no albums, no tours, no life
I was getting destroyed from inside out
And in the small quiet spaces of my mind, that I was allowed to keep
There were silent screams and shouts.

Then, they came to crucify me
By trying to use my humanity as a vice
Even though the jury found me innocent
Oh no, that would simply not suffice

I did not want to do more tours
But there were so many mouths to feed
And although you all warned me to take care
I just had to feed my greed.

8 days to go, before the London Tour
And perfection was a distant dream
The pain and the morphine
The morphine and the pain it seems

Papa said, it had to be perfect
Or, you should die… before giving up
The show was not going to be ready
And I was not going to let Papa down.

Performance, Performance, Performance
The rhythm of the song in the dance
The rhythm of the dance in the song
The energy of fifty thousand people
Creating a life of its own
I blink…the crowd roars…I am energised
I twitch…and feel the energy surge
I stand perfectly still…doing nothing
And the energy purrs, like a cat…waiting to strike.
I sing…I dance in perfect harmony
And my mind…and the audience’s mind
Becomes one
And I am in a state of karma like ecstasy
Ah…Performance, Performance, Performance

Sometimes…It simply takes your breath away.
Your Loving son, MJ

(Roy Merchant - June 26th 2009)

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