Trapped Poem by Phenomenal Woman

Wanting to change, sincerly for the best. Feels like the tightest handcuffs, the strongest muffle, and the tightest rope bounding me from the person that I truly want to be. I pray, not all the time, but I do. Are my prayers being heard? Does Allah love me? At times, I don't know. How could He? Im a continous sinner who dwells in the acts of holiness. In the moments of my indecent acts, indecent thoughts and indecent speech, I'am numb. I feel helpless, yet I feel free.

Free from mortal judgement; free. Free fom any doubts; free. But you know, how can I feel free, but so damn trapped? I know clearly of what I do. I see right through me. I put on a facade for the world to see, but at the end of the day, I'am me.

Who am I? A continuous sinner that is being tricked by my own mind. What my mind is telling me is right, my heart is telling me it's wrong.

I love you, I do. But this affair between my mind and my heart is through.