Untitled As Of Yet (Any Suggestions) Poem by Vaun Moore

Untitled As Of Yet (Any Suggestions)

Rating: 3.4


Dusk descends on the World
And distance lies between us like the grave
Cold, silent, unforgiving
Where are you my Darling?

Yesterday, I saw a man with your form and color
Come up the garden path
And as he walked, he san gthe song of Lover's past
Mouth moving in soundless, fervent agitation
While words tumbled like half-remembered prayers from his lips

I saw him like a dream within a dream
Desire and loss etched in the curve of his back
Night pored like thick perfume from his skin
And clung like incense to the air

The lamp of his eyes burend the darkness
And my soul was reborn on the shores of his longing
In my haste,
I reached for his arms and found only the sea...

The wind turned with devilish delight
And the mournful cry of a roosting dove fractured the night

Tonight I dream alobe
Wrapped in shrouds like a crucified Christ
Dreaming of the one with the faraway eyes

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Raynette Eitel 19 August 2005

Vaun, someone did you a great disservice by voting your poem so low. This poem is lovely but needs some work. I would not leave in the line, 'Where are you, my darling? ' Let the reader feel the loneliness and longing by the words you use. I love the thought that this is a dream within a dream and perhaps it is a good title. You will know after you have worked a bit on it. Check it again for typos and spelling. Your images are haunting and beautiful. You should be proud of it...but it isn't quite finished, in my opinion. Raynette

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