Untittled Poem by topaz africa

i just can't do anything right
everything i touch turns into stone
people stay away from me
i'm cursed with a dark disease
a disease that no one can see
that only me can feel
the load that i carry is too heavy for me
i know that no one really cares for me
but pretending makes me feel safe
i have to keep smiling like everyone else
having to smile along their fake smiles
you don't give a damn what happens to me
i've tried so hard not to worry
but it seems things make it their duty to worry about me
i've considered all positions in which to carry this load
with every step i take my load becomes heavier
i tried pulling and pushing it
nothing is working for me anymore
i'm tired of living a lie, pretending
i'm tired of trying to find harmony eiht myself
that is something that will never happen
i don't like to be with me anymore
everytime i'm with me i'm pulled back by something
and its hard for me to carry on
i keep seeing black and white only
i don't want to see black and white only
but i'm afraid to see colour
i'm afraid that colour will expose me
expose my disease, you do not have to dig deep to see it
look closer and you will find it