Waves... Poem by Nishant Rawlley

I'm happy,
i'm sad,
i'm happy coz life's finally on track,
the world's good to me,
i'm good to the world,
i'm enjoying my life,
i'm enjoying it mono,


But then there's something missing,
i don't what it is,
but i feel its absence,
there's something that questions,
Why are you happy? ,
and sends me back into a terrible low,
i know my faith,
i know how i works,
i know the secret to happiness,
but don't know why it isn't working anymore,
i'm happy for a moment,
and question my happiness the next,
i laugh one moment and go yet in eyes the next,


not that i want to be sad,
but somehow i just can't escape it,
a single seed of pessimism,
multiplies many-folds,
into an entire aura of pessimism around me,
and then everything goes wrong,
i so want to get out of here,
but it turns out to be futile,
i do know that my griefs are illogical,
but nothing helps at the moment,
the negativity is hovering over me,
everybody seems against me,
my faith dwindles, my trust waivers,
i doubt every friend,
every logic has ceased,
tears, my only loyal companions,
i live a life of lies,
lying to myself that all's well,
maybe its not, maybe it is,
i relive my childhood, seeking solace, seeking low,
vain, the joy is transient,
i wish to pray,
but i'm so self occupied,
so i take out this moment,
to kneel before Thee,
i know You love me,
i know i'm cared for,
but please help me out of this,
my life's my own,
let it remain mine,
let me not be controlled,
bless me, guide me, be my teacher,
i kneel before Thee.....