We Used To Call It Love, Now... Poem by Kynthia Rosgeal

Her hands, rough, cold and hard
Her eyes, a far away and crazy look
her mouth, twisted in a parody of seduction
i hate my body

i lie there, time stands still
it will be over soon, just relax
you know you want it
quit being such a wuss

i can smell smoke, and booze
the carpet burns where it meets my skin
i can barely breathe, i want to scream,
i'll not give her the satisfaction, not this time. Never again.

My body responds like it is supposed to
i hate it, i hate me, i hate Her
convulsions, shaking, for her it's over
but, for me

it has just begun. i want to die, but can't.
She controls me, terrorizes me
I cannot see her on the street, in a store
that it doesn't happen all over again
and again
and again

And i cannot scream, like that horrible nightmare
but this time
i wont be
waking up