Alex Daydream

(26/04/1997)

What Am I Without Beliefs, Without Hope, Without Dreams?


So many beautiful things and wonders
Surround me
But I, in my isolation and weariness
Cannot see

If you were to build a fine crystal palace
I would compliment every detail
But inside brush it off as a mere shack
Because beautiful to me isn't real

If you bought me a world
You would bring me to tears
Because I won't let myself achieve
Beyond my dream fears

I fear I'm so far gone now
I may be unable to return
I've lost my way
And with every turn
I'm distancing myself

All my life
I've waited for my dreams
Pinned my life on them
But it's not what it seems
I could have them

If I genuinely wanted
My dreams to come true
I could have reached them by now
But no, it's Alex who?
I've failed

If I was worthy of them
I would have found a way
Despite the pain and fear
I wouldn't now say
I've failed

Is it still worth trying?
I guess I'll always say yes to that
But still it seems I'm beyond my sell-by date
And I just don't know what the point is without my dreams
I guess that's why I held onto them for so long
But they're not coming true
And I've only myself to blame
Because if you want something that much in this world
You reach out and grab it
And never let go
But I see now I've been a coward
This whole time I thought I was being strong
By just holding on
But that was a lie
Maybe I wasn't born for this
Maybe I wasn't born for anything
Maybe everything I believe in isn't real
That's what seems to be happening
And without my dreams I am nothing
Not worth anything
To me

At some point, I'm going to lose it completely
Freak out, go nuts, lose my cool, whatever
And then I suppose that will be the final decider
Dreams or this continued
Life or a slow and lifelong death
And I don't have faith in myself right now
I don't believe in this shell of a person
Because right now everything is crumbling around me
All that was real is not
And all that was not real now is
So what am I supposed to do?
If these are all tests to see if I'm worthy
To make me into the person I'm 'meant to be'
Then maybe I'm just going to fail at those tests
Not everyone passes every test in life
I'm not an achiever
I was a believer
But that has been stolen
Science came along and took away imagination
And now I just don't know what to believe
Through it all; through everything
I've always believed in something
'There's always something'
'Religion and Beliefs'
'People I care about'
'The person I'm meant to be'
My dreams.
But they're slipping down the drain faster than water
And I can't seem to reah out and hold on anymore

But without my dreams
What the hell do I do with my life?
Simple answer: die

Submitted: Thursday, May 10, 2012

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Comments about this poem (What Am I Without Beliefs, Without Hope, Without Dreams? by Alex Daydream )

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  • Ken E Hall (5/10/2012 4:31:00 AM)

    Well Alex a sad poem indeed...you have no confidence in your self and seemingly no hope in your dreams, you have to change your thoughts life is how you make it in your own brain zillions of young people are living a terrible life far worse than you, you are bright can write so get off your butt and make it a great day for yourself and stop writing negativity sowing your own sorrow...have a go look in the mirror and say hey you are a good looking kid...step out shoulders back head up and enjoy your day...regards avago! (Report) Reply

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